Can’t Live Without

I am a hopeless romantic.  That means, and yes I’m admitting to it, I’ve been watching the Christmas schmaltz fest that happens in December on the Hallmark channel.  The movies, at least the ones I DVR, all have the same theme:  girl meets boy, girl and boy don’t like each other, and then in a matter of days/weeks, girl and boy are in love and/or engaged (or as happened last night, married).

That was not my courtship.  Girl and boy did meet.  Girl and boy did argue at our first meeting.  Harmlessly argue but he called me the Texas Hammer and explained the evils of lawyers (of which I am one) and I debated him vigorously on my position about drilling in ANWR.  Remarkably, he called to ask me out the next week.  We dated for nearly two years before he proposed, and we were married six months later.   My amazing hubby is not a Hallmark guy.  He doesn’t show up with flowers, but he fixes anything in our house that breaks.  He doesn’t line our dining room with rose petals and candles (wisely now, can you imagine the disaster that would be with three-year old triplets?), but he can change a tire, drive a tractor, build a fence, and tell good night stories to our kids.

Despite my personal life differences from these Hallmark fantasies, I do occasionally find nuggets of wisdom buried deep in the storyline.  Last night, the dad counseled the daughter that, “it’s not about meeting someone you can live with – it’s about meeting someone you can’t live without.”  Regardless of if you believe there is only ONE person in the world for you or if there could be several fits, I think that line still has value.  There’s a lot of people we can survive living with – a lot of us have.  I had family I did not choose but I lived with and I had roommates from college through law school that I wouldn’t have committed until death do us part but they were fine for a season.

But my hardworking husband, he I could not live without.  I realize that anytime he’s gone for the night.  The closet light goes out and my tire gets low and the trash is full and usually that stuff is all just magically handled without him ever saying a word.  He jokingly told me the other day when I was attack kissing him, “oh, so you love me today?”  I said, “Oh, I love you EVERY day.  I just don’t like you every day.”

And isn’t that how it is?  We have good days and bad.  High seasons and low seasons.  But through it all, I’ve always loved him.  And I’m pretty sure he’d say the same thing.  I’ve never wanted to imagine a life without him in it.

There’s a woman who writes a blog about Christian marriages, and she asked today, “How to Be a Helpmate to Your Husband.”  I think there are a lot of deep and wise ways to do that.  I’m sure a lot of them I could do and it would make me a better wife.  But this is one that I try even though I botch up the wife thing all the time by stressing out and planning too much and trying to control the outcome:  I tell him I love him.  I tell him every day.  He tells me he loves me every day.  We kiss hello and goodbye.  Even in our biggest fights, we say I love you at the end of the night and he’s even better about it than I am.  I wouldn’t trade it for surprise flowers and candles.  And I wouldn’t swap it for a Hallmark movie.

Comments

  1. Elizabeth Bray says:

    I told my husband last week (because his planning and anxiety of our purchase of a house and Christmas with HIS children were making me just a little nuts) … as we sat down to pizza and wine at Ibiza .. I said “Before I forget there is something I need to tell you.. you are a fine man … a good man .. and I love you .. it’s just so easy to loose sight of that on the days that your behavior is not my choice to share with you that day … it so easy to loose sight of how good you are in all the chaos and how much I appreciate having you in my life .. how much I really do love you.” ….. he smiled ( that smile was worth all the humble pie in the statement I had just said … and it was a heartfelt statement.. the kind that bring tears to your eyes.)

    • Oh Elizabeth – I love that. And I love how you put it – “the days that your behaviour is not my choice to share” – it’s just acknowledging, “we’re different” but we’re still in this together and still loving each other!

  2. Thank you. I left this morning frustrated about a number of things (mostly not related to him!) and did so without saying goodbye and the morning kiss. Of course, my hubby sent me a text immediately wishing me a good day. I can do better. Thanks for the reminder!

    And also, when exactly do you find time to watch movies? If you’ve posted before on your schedule, I’d love to be pointed in that direction. And if you haven’t, please do!

    • Hello there Claudia! I know, that happens to me too, this is one of the things we try to do regardless, we even do it through gritted teeth :)
      My schedule, it’s nuts. Tv movies are great b/c you can watch them in under an hour and a half b/c you can FF through music & commercials. I normally watch them if Bray’s out of town after the kids go down (around 9 pm) or last night it was at 10 b/c Bray wanted to see the first of the news. I shouldn’t have watched the whole thing, but got sucked in & went to bed after 11……

  3. Our words–the spoken “I love you”–matters so much in our lives and marriages. You’ve found a foundational key to keeping your love and marriage strong, Gindi! Oh, and BTW, my husband and I had a rocky, argumentative dating start as well. Of course, we carried it into our marriage as well, but have learned how to “love” each other even when we don’t “like” each other too. ;) Love your perspective here!

    • Beth – we still do too, the great thing is that we know how to manage it b/c it’s always how we’ve been. And we also know we get to the other side. Thanks for stopping by!

  4. Rae Sinor says:

    Beautiful reminder Gindi….I sent Keith a card at work a few weeks ago telling him how important he was and how much I adored him….He was so thrown off by it but I know secretly pleased….He said he knew he recognized my handwriting and was just so surprised to get this card with my note written inside. I really do think it meant a lot to him…So many ways to show them how much we REALLY DO APPRECIATE what they mean to us and all that they do!!! (and simple and cheap too!)

    • I love that Rae! I used to leave Bray cards all the time but really don’t since the kids – this is a reminder that it would be good to re-implement!

  5. Whether it’s Hallmark or something else, I think we are prone to come into marriage with certain definitions of romance and expectations of our husbands. These unrealistic expectations can be hurtful, and sometimes we need to step back and realize how wonderful our husbands are in their own ways and appreciate them for the men God made them to be.

  6. So nice to meet you! You certainly can’t have too many expressions of love in a marriage. Thanks for linking up at Chrysalis for Marriage Monday today.

    Blessings, e-Mom ღ

    http://chrysaliscafe.com

  7. darn it, i can’t control my husband’s behavior either! shoot, i can barely control mine. :) after 5 yrs together, we can’t live without each other, for sure! moving into a big new house just made that even more obvious. boxes need broken down, endless trash, leaking garage roof, trouble shooting the gas fireplace and leveling the new stove the the counter height….the list is endless! he needs me to go to work and make the bacon and come home and cook it. :) for 5 yrs we have always woken up the other person to kiss and hug goodbye in the morning. the couple times we didn’t do it, the day felt so empty. we are addicted to each other. it’s nothing romantic or anything, it’s just how we are. the longer we are together, the more i am aware of how an imperfect person I am and how much more he deserves from me. motivates me every day to keep trying to be what he deserves because, man, he’s such a good guy!

    • it’s so true olivia, i can relate to everything you said. we have so much to juggle, each of us with work and marriage and family, but thankfully i can’t do without him, and i can only try to be better. thanks for sharing.

  8. This was one of the best Marriage Monday posts I’ve ever read. And I”ve been doing this for at least 4 years! Thanks for sharing!!

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