I know I’m doing a lot on marriage this week. And I know I said I was going to get to a lot of other stuff. But this is where my soul has settled for a while and I’ve seen so much stuff I just want to share. Print this long post out for date night - I searched high and low for questions to ask a spouse to get to know him (or her) better. Because Tuesday night Bray and I got an unexpected date night. And all too often we sit around and talk about the bills that need to get paid or the daily news from our jobs or our kids and we don’t talk about us. Or share funny stories. Or get to know each other better. So here’s a very exhaustive list for you if you, like me, found a bunch of stuff you’d still like to know about your spouse:
What is your favorite gift(s)?
What’s my idea of an ideal date?
What’s the most I’ve ever spent on shoes?
If you were the king (or queen) of the world, what is the first thing you would change?
If you could travel back in time, which historical event would you like to witness?
Which is your favorite movie of all time and favorite scene in it? (Narrate it if I missed it.) Or favorite book? Or favorite song (and why)?
Can you give me a mock session of how you would discuss sex education with our kids?
Your first crush – what drew you to her? Your first date – where did you go, what did you do and how long did the relationship last?
What are your three favorite: foods, meals, desserts, restaurants, hobbies, things to do, favorite color, flavors of ice cream, etc. You fill in the blank.
What’s your biggest pet peeve?
What’s your favorite holiday? What part of it? Your favorite childhood memory? (Which are the most important to you and what do you want to be doing?)
What are the top five things you are most thankful for in your life?
If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?
What is the most embarrassing thing you ever did on your first job? (Or moment?)
What’s the funniest thing you ever did as a kid?
If you won the lottery, what are the first three things you would do and three things you’ve been most longing for that you would buy?
If you weren’t in the profession you are, what would be your other dream profession? Or if you could make a living using a favourite hobby, which hobby would you choose? If you knew you could not fail, what would you do?
What is your favourite memory of your grandparents? Who’s your favourite aunt/uncle/cousin and why?
What is your idea of a romantic evening? (Had to throw one in there for us girls)
Apart from the most obvious one, which other two areas of your body are the most sensitive and responsive?
Can you remember your earliest childhood memory of happiness and that of fear? What did you dream of becoming one day as a child?
What are the qualities that draw you to people that you can base a friendship on?
What has been your scariest dream? Which has been your most frequently recurring one?
Which has been the best decision you ever made/achievement reached? Proudest moment? Which is the decision you regret the most?
If your house was on fire, what five things would you grab before leaving?
The one argument your parents had, that you would try and avoid with your partner, would be over… What do you admire most about each of your parents?
What is your perception of how people see you?
Can you think of something you craved for when you were young and were denied?
What is the most generous thing anyone has ever done for you?
Who was your role model growing up? Why did you look to them as an example?
What are your retirement dreams?
What things in life bring you the most joy?
What are you most looking forward to about this year?
What do you consider to be your skills? Weaknesses?
Faith/Deepening Relationship Questions:
Can you name three qualities that attracted you to me? What was your first impression? How accurate do you now think it was? On which counts do you think you were totally wrong and on which were you right?
What do you most vividly remember about our first date? When did you know that I was the one you were meant to marry? What do you like most about our marriage and why? What are some of your best memories of our married life so far?
How have you changed through our marriage? How do you see things differently since becoming married?
If I promise not to get upset, can you tell me something that you’d like to change in me but don’t have the nerve to tell me? (Or irritates you?) What do you want to change that I could help?
What upsets you most in a relationship and what makes you the happiest?
What makes you the most fulfilled or happiest as a man? As a husband? As a father?
What makes you saddest as a man? As a husband? Father?
What do you fear the most? What other fears do you have?
What do you look forward to the most?
What things around the house need to be repaired (hubby) or organized/cleaned (wife)?
What caresses do you enjoy the most? The least? What provides you the greatest sexual pleasure?
How is our sex life? Is there anything I can do to make our sex life better?
What desires do you have that we haven’t discussed?
At what times do you need assurance of my love the most? What do I do that makes you feel loved? How can that love be shown?
What can I do that will make it easier to discuss and work on areas or problems that are uncomfortable to you?
In what ways would you like me to sacrifice for you? What things do you see by my actions that I place first in my life? What concerns and interests of yours would you like me to support?
What can I do that provides the greatest comfort and encouragement for you when you are hurt, fearful, anxious or worried?
What ways demonstrate to you that you are a very important person who is as important or more important than I am?
Name one thing I do that causes you to feel understood and/or respected. What else could I do?
Name one thing I do that causes you to feel confident in our future direction. What could I do to cause you to feel more confident in our future direction?
How are we doing with our family budgeting and finances? What is one thing we can do to improve our budgeting and finances?
Name one personal goal for your life that I can help you achieve this year. Name something new we might do together that would bring joy to our marriage/family? What mutual goal would you like us to accomplish?
How are our relationships with our extended family? Name one thing I can do to improve one of these family relationships.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate our marriage? What would make our marriage a ten? How would you like to see us grow in our marriage by the end of the year? What hopes do you have for our marriage and family?
Describe your current relationship with God. What have you been learning about God lately?
Name one way that God has blessed our marriage.
What would indicate to you that I really desire to be more Christ-like?
How has your love for God grown? What can I do to help your love for God grow?