Gindi Vincent

The Dish on Career, Fashion, Faith, and Family

Look Up Child

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I’ve always had a fascination with sunrises and sunsets.  Ever since I owned my first camera in high school, you know the little ones with film inside, I would snap pictures.  Try to capture the expansive beauty as the sky changed colors.  Never able to fully capture the glory. 

I think I’d lost the obsession for a while.  After moving to Houston and being surrounded by concrete and noise and life getting ever busier.  But still.  On vacations, I’d snap away.  This time without the film.  And now, at the farm, my phone camera at the ready. My favorite spot for an hour or more in the evening is the front or back porch.  Sun lighting up the hay and the barn and the bayou. 

I read an article from Ruth Chou Simons last week which demanded my attention.  The advent of mobile devices brought a fundamental shift in the way we engage with the world… We’ve been given so much to look at, but we are missing the art of beholding.  We are so captivated by our technology and all that it puts before our eyes that we overlook the ways that God displays His glory through creation, relationship, and our ordinary circumstances in the day to day. 

We’ve lost sight of Him. 

Look up child. 

We miss the bridge across the water.

The sunset passes us by. 

A bird sings its evening song but we don’t hear it over the YouTube video.  

And missing His displays, at every corner, colors how we see others, and the world. 

I have a child who is having a brutally hard start to fourth grade.  Really, this is the hardest we’ve ever had it during the school year, and we’ve had our trials.  Classes are deeply challenging, relationships are adversarial, all of which is leading to heartbreaking meltdowns nearly every evening.  It’s also leading to a general sense of malaise, a request to stop participating in everything – sports, special 4th grade activities, etc. 

This weekend, Bray took this one to the farm, one on one.  Before sunrise, they’d wake to catch fish.  And catch fish they did.  He would send me pictures in the morning light with a face-splitting smile from this sweet face next to a big shimmering redfish. 

God in the light and the bayou and the fish and the quiet.

Whenever they turn to face God as Moses did, God removes the veil and there they are – face-to-face! They suddenly recognize that God is a living, personal presence… And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our life and we become like Him.  2 Corin. 3:16-18 (The Msg)

As William Blake says: We become what we behold.

Look up child. 

It does not calm the storm.  It does not quench the fire.  It changes your perspective on your circumstances.  You can see His beauty – you recognize His face there in the midst of it. 

Lauren Daigle sings a song, Look Up Child,

You’re not threatened by the war
You’re not shaken by the storm
I know, You’re in control
Oh, I hear you say
“Look Up Child”
I hear You, I hear You calling my name,
“Look Up Child”

Set down the distractions.  Step away from the monstrous cement towers and small mesmerizing screens and screeching soundtrack.

Look up to see Him.  In the trees and the roly pollies and the wind and the sunset and swimming pool cannonballs and the laughter and the dogs out for a walk and the neighbor planting flowers and the little one picking up the elderly’s dropped groceries and the stillness. 

But look up.  Remember, we are transforming.  It’s our choice as to what we transform. 

We all are being transformed… 2 Corin. 3:18 (NIV)

Click

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As the kids began to read, they all wanted to read mysteries.  One of our favorite early mystery series was Cam Jansen.  Cam is her nickname, short for camera, because she has a photographic memory.  You can imagine how handy that comes in while sleuthing. 

When chaos would strike, Cam would close her eyes and say, CLICK.  It imprinted a detailed memory of the location and characters in her mind and she always returned to that CLICK when solving the mystery. 

This weekend, I found myself whispering, CLICK.

Another year has passed.  I’m in that quiet, head-down phase after 40 and before 50.  Lots happening, life busy, so much good and so much exhaustion. 

But this weekend, I savored the sweet season it is.  Not weather season mind you, it’s brutally hot down here on the Texas Gulf Coast, but life season. 

Friday night, I gathered at a neighbor’s house with some girl mommas and their girls.  We laughed and commiserated and girls swam and performed dances for us.  One momma commented, they won’t do that much longer, want us watching.  CLICK.

Saturday morning, we strolled around the farmer’s market and the kids had overprices frozen drinks and we selected meats and produce and pasta.  We laughed and then drove over to Lowe’s.  The kids brought home two turtles from the farm, Big T and Shelly, and the boys wanted to purchase pebbles and mulch and chicken wire for the habitat they’re building in our backyard.  A series of ponds and rivers all dug with their own hands in the heat.  But the end result of a large outdoor turtle area left them beaming with pride.  CLICK. 

We watched the LSU – UT game (geaux Tigers!), first alone, and then with neighbors, and the kids jumped around and little bit went to bed early because she’d had enough after half time.  I found her curled up asleep in my bed after the game.  CLICK.

Sunday morning, we went to church.  Our pew was all kids and me.  We had parents of fourth grade friends in front of us and in back of us and the friends on our pew.  Sitting between the boys, they each laid their head on one of my shoulders during the sermon and I soaked it in.  Is this the last time they are comfortable laying their head on my shoulder during a service with their friends around, I wondered? CLICK.

There were birthday parties and play dates and wine with fellow moms while the kids played in the backyard.  There was an escaped turtle and ensuing search (Shelly is still on the loose, say your prayers).  There were chicken enchiladas and rides in the pool on the new bull inflatable.  (The one that has Stanley puppy barking like a mad man.) 

CLICK.  CLICK.  CLICK. 

I don’t have the world’s best memory.  So I spent a lot of effort focusing on how good all this is.  How overwhelmingly grateful I am for every minute of it.  I may not have Cam Jansen’s photographic memory, but these moments are emblazoned on my heart. 

Fashion Friday: The Block Heel

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Hello Fashion Friday friends!  I’ve missed you.  I have all these fashion posts running around in my head and no time to write them.  But today we’re talking shoes.  One of my favorite topics.  I won’t even tell you how my daughter is growing to love shoes.  Uh-oh.  I can’t get her to buy clothes but shoes she is 110% there!  This could be a problem. 

But the shoes we’re talking about today, she doesn’t really have a need for yet. 

For today’s Fashion Friday: The Block Heel.  I used to hate block heels.  But they are coming in with a vengeance, they even have their own category on some shoe websites, and there are some super cute ones.  Not to mention they are massively easier to walk in than my old school spikey narrow heel!

I work on a corporate campus that is large and involves a lot of walking.  As a result, I’ve resorted more and more to flats (sigh) and wedges.  Now that the block heel is sweeping the fashion pages, I have a fun new alternative.  I just purchased my first pair, a pointy snake print that I adore, and I have no problem hiking all over my campus in these nearly 3 inchers. 

So what am I loving in the block?  Well, it isn’t just heels.  But it definitely starts with heels. 

For work, I love these Tahari pumps in baby blue. I’m about to write a post on why you should be buying shoes in all colors, but this will get you off to a smashing start.  If you must stick with black, then do it in a fun way.  And these Adrienne Vittadini black blocks are all fun.  Absolutely work appropriate but more interesting than a standard black block heel!

On the sandal front, you know I’m living in Texas where it is 101 degrees in September so you can absolutely have fall sandals here, you have OODLES of options. 

These “mauve” (I can’t believe I’m recommending mauve – does anyone feel the 1980s?  Not with these!) sandals are the priciest on my list, the only ones coming in over $100, but they’re Marc Jacobs and really fun.  If you have a birthday gift card to DSW, this might be a fun place to spend it.  And in suede, they’re CLEARLY a fall sandal! Can you believe these cognac ones are Clark’s?  I really didn’t know they had cute shoes and these would be comfy to boot. 

Speaking of boots, if you don’t live in a place where it is triple digits in the FALL (don’t judge me for being bitter), then there are some fabulous boot block options too. 

My first offering is an ankle boot from Steve Madden in a fabulous snake print, the same print as my block heel, that will go with everything you wear and add a little spice (and not of the pumpkin variety).  This rich chocolate brown Franco Sarto bootie would be a classic addition for any fall wardrobe.  If you’re uncertain about the pointy toe, I love a good point, go up a half size to give you wiggle room (literally).  And while I usually veto a brown flat, I love me a good brown boot.

A word of caution: if you tend to have thicker ankles and lower leg, then just be careful on the block heel. Some can result in a look that is even thicker. But certain styles definitely work – just check it out in a full length mirror. This is true for everyone trying on shoes. Don’t rely on those little foot mirrors! Find a full length mirror, and also pick up your trouser if you’re not in a skirt to get the full look.

What about you? Are you loving the block trend? How do you wear them?

Optimism

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Two good things happened this morning.

I had an early breakfast with a sweet friend.  I read part of Dave Asprey’s “46 life rules” in Game Changers. 

How are these two things alike?

They highlight optimism. 

Whenever I breakfast with this friend, I laugh.  We share similar faith and similar life ambition, and when we meet I laugh loud in a quiet breakfast spot nestled in corner of a bustling city. 

And Asprey?  Well, of all his 46 rules he has gathered from 450 expert ‘game changers,’ this is his biggest one: Practicing gratitude is the most profoundly transformative thing you can do. 

You know something else about gratitude?  It fuels optimism.  If you see the silver lining and find people and actions to be grateful for, then you can feel optimistic about the future. 

I am an optimist.  My friend, the lovely breakfast buddy from this morning, is an optimist.  She was telling me about her boyfriend who, if it’s possible, is even more of an optimist.  He’ll have a rough day, but he’ll recap with “it was good even though…”  He finds the silver lining even in those bad days. 

But I’m well aware not everyone is an optimist.  We are born with a certain set point – either more optimistic or more pessimistic.  The best news about that set point: it can change.  That’s right.  You’re not resigned to life as a pessimist (or a realist as my hubby likes to say) if that’s where you find yourself.  You can train your brain. 

I was thinking about that as I read through Asprey’s book, especially coming off of this particularly delightful optimistic breakfast.  How can more conversations flow like that one? 

I landed back at gratitude. 

Not only does gratitude grow optimism, it does a lot of other things.  For example, one of the other rules was “Fear is the Mind Killer!”  Yikes!  Basically the rule says you have to get past fear of failure. The best way to do that?  “Gratitude stops fear!”  How often is fear our biggest struggle?  Yet there’s actually medical evidence (a long explanation about your parasympathetic nervous system) which shows you can boost resilience and reduce stress by listing three things you’re thankful for before you go to sleep.  (I guess Bobby McFerrin was on to something with his little Don’t Worry, Be Happy.)

I looked at all the rules that had an optimism or gratitude component.  Tons of them.  Rule 33: Happy People are Successful!  Rule 3: Eliminate Words that Undermine Your Strength. Rule 32: Money Doesn’t Motivate Game Changers.  How is that one linked to optimism?  Just that Rule 32-ers don’t operate out of a scarcity mind set, but they focus on amassing joy not money.  Joy = Optimism.  Note, joy is not circumstantial.  Joy exists, as does optimism, even when the circumstances around you are challenging. 

As I left for a birthday dinner for a close friend Saturday night, little bit said, “mommy, just don’t laugh so loud.”  Ha!  (Imagine that ha in a very loud voice.)  Sorry little bit, mommy is going to keep laughing loud, and probably embarrassing you more than you can count, but I’m an optimist.  And a loud optimist at that.  Hopefully, years from now, the sound of my loud optimistic laughter will make you smile and even laugh yourself. 

Let’s practice moving our set point one more degree towards optimism.  Let’s encourage our kids to move their set point to optimism.  Those simple dinnertime conversations?  I REQURE them to tell me something good that happened before they can tell me the bad.  Just last night, one said, I don’t have anything good, it was a bad day.

Oh no bud, you ALWAYS have something good, and we’re going to start with that.  Let’s all start from there. 

Practice gratitude. 

Choose joy. 

Marriage Malaise

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Maybe August is a hard month for marriages.

Or maybe my friend group is in a hard season for marriages.  Demanding careers, young kids, aging parents.  Juggling decisions like moves and education and finances and what’s too much or not enough. 

Whatever the reason, I’ve had heartbreaking conversations this month with a number of my friends.

We haven’t had a passionate kiss in over a year.

He rolls his eyes at everything I do.

We’re sleeping in separate rooms.

Watch, we don’t even talk to each other.

We can’t agree on how to spend our money, ever.

I just don’t know how much longer…

It is crazy hard.  This marriage thing.  Crazy hard.  I’ve been writing about the struggle as long as I’ve been writing.

You look from inside your hurting marriage and see the outside image other people project about their own marriages and think, wow, it’s so much easier for them.

I had one friend, who was sharing her hurts, say to me, but you and Bray, you just keep it alive and are still so in love.

Ha!  I laughed.  Not that we aren’t in love, yes we absolutely love each other, but let me tell you our marriage has just as many hurdles as yours!

Yes, we had a wonderful getaway this summer for a couple of days but even getting to the getaway was hard.  And then returning to real life and paying for the getaway was hard. 

Last August, we were in the middle of a tremendously hard place, and we bounced back, but we still fight. Because there is no way you are going to agree with someone every day for the rest of your life.  

That is what you do.  You live to fight another day. 

I was talking to my father in law at the farm a couple of weeks ago.  I love this man.  He’s just another awesome thing my hubby brought to our marriage.  Talk shifted from the oil business to marriage.  He and my mother in law have been married for 56 years.  FIFTY SIX YEARS. 

He will tell you, and was telling me over wine on the back porch, marriage is hard.  The seasons are gorgeous and then brutal.  So you just tell yourself, and your spouse, I am in this thing.  I am not leaving.  He and I sat outside, as the sun went down, talking honestly about the tough spots marriages find themselves in and how you push through.
(Obviously, I’m not talking about abusive relationships. But just the hardships of every marriage.)

There are marriages that look easy.  Romance and roses. They are not. It’s all Instagram-ed, Facebook-ed, photoshopped pictures.  You don’t see them when the bad news come.  When the job loss hits.  When the kids get sick or the parents die or one travels all the time or the money dries up. 

No one has a piece of cake marriage. No matter what you see or what you think.

So what do you do? 

My close friends and I were just discussing this.  When you feel on the brink in your marriage, how do you step back?

1. Kiss.  On the mouth.  Really kiss.  Not a passing peck.  For thirty days straight.  Do it in the morning or the evening or both.  But kiss.  In front of your kids.  Embarrass them.  Let them see what marriage can look like after years.

2. Say something nice.  For thirty days straight.  Say one nice thing to your spouse every single day.  Find a way to compliment them or thank them.  Focus on the good. Keep a journal if you need to make sure you don’t forget a day. 

3. Be in the same bed at the same time.  Without kids.  Intimacy will not fix the underlying hurts but it absolutely helps.  In order for that to happen, you have to be in bed at the same time and your kids have to already be in their own beds.  This can’t happen every single day, I realize.  We all travel or have sick kids you’re up with in the middle of the night (I just was last week).  But prioritize the same bed, same time, just you two, for thirty days straight. 

4. Use psychology 101 words to start talking.  There is a reason we teach our kids to say “I feel.” It shifts the conversation to what you are experiencing which can’t be challenged. I feel lonely when we don’t talk about our day after work. I feel disrespected when you roll your eyes at me. Whatever the thing is. Money, time, family, words, etc. Start the conversation. Recognize what your spouse does, I’m so grateful for… but also acknowledge where you all are struggling.

5. Be Honest. A friend of mine and I had a hearty laugh when she shared how she learned to manage expectations. When she was pregnant, she would get super emotional, and her husband did not know how to respond. By her simply saying, I don’t need you to do anything, I just need you to be here with me, she was able to let him know what she needed. I did that last week about work, can you just listen to this so I can unload it somewhere? Share where you are at and what you need. Don’t make them guess.

It’s imperfect. It’s three steps forward and two steps back. But hold on. Fight through the dark hours – there is sun up ahead.