God Hears The Desires of Our Hearts – An Adoption Story

If you have read my blog for any amount of time, you probably know two things: one, I struggled for years with infertility, and two, God connected me to Holley Gerth’s God-sized Dream Team in 2013.  Through this group, I have met fellow dreaming writers, several of whom I now consider friends.  Every month from now through the summer I will be sharing them with you, through a guest post, and I will also write for their blog community.  Today it is my great privilege to introduce my friend Kristin to you who also struggled with infertility and who God gave a family through a different miracle:

I decided I was ready to have a baby. Like most all changes in our marriage, my husband was ready first and patiently waited for God to nudge me forward.

We’d been married two years and four months. I assumed when I stopped taking birth control I’d be in control of this baby-making process. Six months in, I realized that wasn’t true. Irregular female cycles led me to the gynecologist’s office and began a nearly two-year journey.  An exploratory surgery that resulted in my endometriosis diagnosis was sandwiched between two multi-month spans of me taking an ovulating-inducing medicine that made me cry hysterically and blow nearly every situation out of proportion. My messed-up hormones put a strain on my moods, my perspective and my marriage.

While I was ovulating normally, I still wasn’t getting pregnant. We ended up seeing a reproductive endocrinologist about two hours away from our small town. We weren’t new to the infertility jargon, but this doctor explained things to me that made me realize how conceiving a child is a miracle. So many factors completely out of our control have to be in sync.  This spanned one year and nine months, and I cried out to God, praying to become pregnant. I cried many tears even though I wanted to rejoice when someone else in my life told me they were expecting a baby.  I found comfort in my best friend’s story that included a struggle to get pregnant and a miscarriage but ended with a healthy baby boy.

I had decided I was ready to have a baby. But I didn’t have a baby yet. And I was exhausted.

In the days leading up to a follow-up appointment with the reproductive endocrinologist, we decided to draw some emotional, physical and financial boundaries, which, really, all came down to this: If the doctor suggested in vitro fertilization, we’d turn our attention, emotions and money to adoption.

In what was our second appointment with this specialty doctor, he indeed ended up telling us IVF was our best bet to conceive a child. On the drive home, I experienced the peace that passes all understanding as clearly as I ever had in my life.

Truth was, we had absolutely no idea what pursing adoption meant. We tackled it one conversation, phone call, and prayer at a time. I was tired of recounting the timeline of infertility and putting on a strong face with the professionals, so we decided not to apply to an adoption agency. We decided to just wait. Gradually, we told people about our desire to adopt.

Christmas 2006 was two months later.  We were at my parents’ house and my sister and her now-husband told us about an 18-year-old girl they knew who wanted to find a family to adopt her baby. Not quite a month later, we saw our daughter via ultrasound. We chose a name on the 4½-hour drive home. It was one I had long held onto, hoping for a daughter: Catherine Anna. Turns out, Catherine is her birthmom’s middle name. More details like this along this quick adoption journey reminded us God was in control, orchestrating a story for our family.

Our daughter was born seven months after we stopped trying to make a family.  Her birthmom told us we were an answer to her prayers. Yet this little life another woman carried and cared for was an answer to the prayer my heart had cried out for years. I had begged God to become pregnant. And while God didn’t answer this exact prayer, he heard the desire of my heart, which was to have a family.  It’s a lesson I still hold close: Even when we don’t say the right words, God knows. In his timing, we see at least a glimpse of his masterpiece.

About 30 months later, we added our son to our family through a second adoption process that too was full of details only God could orchestrate. Our desire was to have another private, independent adoption, during which we’d have a chance to get to know the woman who would carry and birth our child. But we assumed the reality was we would need to go through an adoption agency this time, so we selected one we felt was right for us.

The week before our meeting with the agency 663 miles away, the attorney who finalized our first adoption told us a woman had walked into his office seeking help to find a family to adopt the baby boy she was expecting in less than 20 weeks. Our son Benjamin Lucas was born 14 weeks after we saw him on the ultrasound at the beginning of what was our second independent adoption process.

About 16 months ago, we decided it was time to start a third adoption process. You would think I’d realize I’m not in control of the minutes and hours and days. We’re waiting again. But this time my heart knows more. That peace that passes all understanding has stayed with me.  I wouldn’t have chosen the infertility journey, but it’s shaped me and strengthened my faith. Sure, sometimes I get distracted, but waiting is easier when we know the creator of life Himself.

God knows the desires of our hearts. We sometimes think we’re ready, but there is one who knows when the time is right. Until then, we wait in anticipation because we believe God has more of this story for us to tell.

Kristin Hill Taylor lives in Murray, Ky., with her husband, Greg, and two kids – 5-year-old Cate {although she’d tell you she turns 6 soon!} and 3-year-old Ben. She can often be found trying to beat her husband in Words with Friends, playing games of Settlers of Catan with her best friends, listening to her daughter’s stories, and reminding her son to be careful. You can keep up with her at www.kristinhilltaylor.com or follow on her Twitter.