The kids were finally down. Not asleep, but contained in their bedrooms. She was exhausted and overwhelmed. She walked over to the kitchen, poured herself a generous glass of wine and sat down to return the emails that piled up in her three accounts during the few hours she was off-line.
She’d had a 7:30 breakfast meeting that day which meant a superbly early wake up call to get herself and the kids prepped. Two additional emergency projects cropped up at work before noon. In addition to the looming work deadlines, the kids’ school was having a party that she had agreed to supply with food and an hour of volunteering. She accomplished what she could before 5 but had to dash out of the office as it was her night for child care hand off. As she sat on the freeway with thousands of fellow commuters, a radio traffic reporter informed her traffic was being diverted off the road because of a major traffic accident. She looked down at the clock, up at the brake lights, and started to cry.
The stars must have aligned as she arrived home only five minutes late. The frenzied turn over report and round of family hugs was quickly overshadowed by the chorus of howling children when she darted to her bedroom to change out of her suit. She bribed them with ten minutes of Dora the Explorer while she heated up frozen peas, chicken nuggets, and leftover noodles. After spilt milk, rounds of hide and seek, and bedtime stories, it only took 40 minutes to get them to stay in bed.
She deserved that glass of wine. In fact, on days like these, she’d have two.
This week I’m writing a series entitled Working Moms Battlefields. These battlefields are not exclusively reserved for mothers or career women. You might be a full time wife and mom at home and the dozen other places you have to go in a day. You might be a full time career woman who has no children. There is something unique though about the mothers-with-careers pressure cooker that presents multiplying battlefields we must carefully navigate every day lest we step on a landmine.
I do not want to write this series. I wrestled with writing this series because of how poorly it could reflect on me. However, working moms are an army of millions, and I am hoping to at least begin the conversation.
This first battlefield is drinking. I’ve tried to write about drinking six ways to Sunday and always chickened out. I am a Christian. I also do not believe there is anything sinful about having a drink. I do believe it is wrong to get drunk, because the Bible calls that out specifically, but that’s not to say I haven’t ever been drunk. I have been.
Drinking as a working woman is ubiquitous. Most every activity incorporates alcohol in some way. Moms night out features wine as the centerpiece. Cocktail hour is where folks congregate after work. Every charity event, bar association event, or firm event I go to after 5 pm offers a drink. Even if there’s nothing on the calendar during the week, most moms I talk to have a drink after the kids go down. While I don’t have hard alcohol in our home, I certainly have a glass of wine after the kids are down and take in a half hour of some brainless television program.
About a week ago I heard the author of Drink: The Intimate Relationship Between Women and Alcohol on the Diane Rehm Show. The show left me speechless and my nerves a little raw. Diane and Anne (the author) talked the rise of alcohol abuse in women. Every colloquial bit of information I have seen certainly suggests that. I assure you, before kids I wasn’t having a glass of wine every night.
We are stressed out. High pressure demands and work and home leave us threadbare and weakened. What does a glass of wine before bed hurt?
Nothing. As long as you don’t need it. As long as you don’t crave it. As long as you can do without it. Having a drink periodically, from my perspective, is perfectly manageable. It’s when it gets unmanageable and necessary we’ve need to reevaluate.
Every single battlefield I will tackle this week is one I struggle with and has a singular solution: Self-Control.
Galatians 5, the oft-quoted self-control scripture in the Bible, calls drunkenness an obvious “act of the Flesh.” In the alternative, it recommends:
The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.
For many, it’s not just as simple as putting the drink down or taking a break. I come with a genetic predisposition to alcoholism. I can still stop drinking, but it is harder and I have to be ever more careful of how slippery this slope is. Some of you may not be able to stop. Some of you may need more than just a glass of wine. For that, there is a deep set of resources available and additional help may be required.
For those of us that have become too reliant on alcohol instead of relying on the strength of God (and family and your friends) to support us on the hard days, could I recommend we consider this the first battle to win? It’s a hard transition to make. Habits are tough to break once they have been established. But for me, I have a supernatural source of strength that I can rely upon for the power and wisdom to walk off the battlefield without stepping on a landmine.
For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair. (II Corinthians 4)
But the Lord said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (II Corinthians 12)
Bravo, Gindi, for tackling this subject! I’ll admit, I have about a half glass of wine on some of “those” nights when I need to take the edge off. And yes, I’ve wondered if thinking “to take the edge off” means I have a problem. Self-control is everything. If half a glass or a full glass helps on those occasions one is a little on edge, then I think that’s okay, especially if, like you said, it’s not craved or needed.
Two Scripture verses I rely on…
Philippians 4:13
For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.
Philippians 2:13
For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.
They “take the edge off” even better than wine! And they’re longer lasting.
Blessings,
Laura
Oh I love this Laura – and the scriptures, I rely on those, and Him.
Wonderful post!! You know it’s going to be a powerful one when it’s something you beg God not to have to post, but He just won’t let you forget. Oh, the journey of a writer. You put it out there in obedience – this is already powerful in ways you can’t imagine! : )
Keep going, friend!!
Thank you friend – for all the prodding along the way.
You are so brave and I love your heart!! My husband got sober 7 years ago. Alcohol wasn’t something he could say “no” to easily and it quickly became a problem. One that almost lead to the destruction of our marriage, his job, our family. I don’t love alcohol, don’t enjoy the taste but on occasion would have a drink with friends after work. But when he started with his journey of sobriety I felt it was important that I not drink either. That was my choice – but I did it out of respect for him. And it was easy for me to give up. Now people just know we don’t drink. And I am ok with that. We have seen the blessings that sobriety has brought to our family but alcoholism has such a stigma attached to it, it is sad. I wish that those stigmas could be broken down!!
Wow Kristin – I had no idea. I have a dear friend that went through the same thing and my father has suffered from this as well. It impacts all our families and I am so certain that Christ is the only path forward.
Gindi,
You are brave and this is wonderful, honest, and timely. We all struggle with making life work. As the mother of teens, we often talk with our two about drinking, teen alcohol abuse and the recent trend of mommies using wine (among other beverages) as a crutch. These are conversations we need to be having, among ourselves and with our families. I am praying that this message challenges women to talk to one another (without condemnation).
Chelle
Thank you for the support Chelle. A hard conversation – but overdue in our community.
While wine or alcohol has never been an issue for me, I could probably write this exact post substituting sweets in various forms where you put in wine. Relying or needing something to get by or cope is an addiction. When I am turning to a brownie instead of God, I’ve got a problem. Thanks for being brave enough to share this as I’m sure it will touch a cord with a lot of women – women who are in denial that they are poised at the edge of a slippery slope.
Thanks Rosanne – and yes, it can be anything!
I can relate to this post in many ways, though I’m a stay-at-home mom who works part-time. Alcoholism does run in my family, and though I drink less and less lately, I still turn to wine, or sweets, or chips, or mindless online time instead of God all too often. It’s more about me lacking self-control and falling prey to the enemy’s temptations of the flesh. I’ll be taking on this battle with you.
Thank you Elizabeth -that’s it exactly, it’s a reliance on so much of what we lean on other than God, we’re learning together…
Excellent post, Gindi! So proud of you, brave friend:)
Thank you dear Mandy – so grateful for you.
I can relate to this post and I’m so proud of you for having the courage to write it, friend! We are all stronger together and being open about our struggles is a big part of that. Thank you for opening the door to discussion on this topic and the other ones you have planned too. XOXO
Thank you for the encouragement Holley – I think the Christian community is so scared to raise the issue of alcohol and it leads to too much behind closed doors, God is teaching me, even if it hurts…
This is brave and wonderful!!
Thank you Alecia.
Gindi,
I struggle with the flip side of this issue as the presence of alcohol makes me extremely uncomfortable to the point … I am sad to say robs others of normal after five activity when I am present. 🙁
After much Heart & soul searching I have discovered the source of discomfort and found it has less to do with alcohol and more to do with the behavior of the one consuming the alcohol.
Sonya – that’s just another reason we Christians have to be careful about drinking. We can’t become a stumbling block to others on the path. I think it’s so important for those of us who drink to always remember.
Gindi,
Kudos to you for addressing the working moms battlefield. I have 11 month old triplet girls and own my own outpatient pediatric therapy business so this post hit home. I also take to heart your suggestions on how to leave work at work and come in the door ready to play with my girls. Keep up the great advice! I really appreciate learning from you!
Oh wow – yes, I remember 11 months. You know, it was the hardest time in my marriage, right around that year mark, and I think that’s probably when I started drinking a glass a night – work and stress and the kids still being so reliant, thanks for the encouragement and I’ll be praying for you as you walk through this next phase (FYI – 12 months to 22 months was one of my favorite times)
I found your blog while taking a moment myself to wind down. I thoroughly enjoyed this post and I can’t wait to read the rest of this series. Thank you for sharing!
Brandy
Thanks for joining the community Brandy.
Bravo, Gindi! I have struggled with this very topic. I am far older than you (know your Mom!)…kids are long gone; BUT yes, I still have STRESS. I have my glass. Almost. Every. Night. And, recently a pastor friend told me of this trend—drinking among women. Time to ponder & pray. Thank you!
I know – so hard. I think it means we have to be intentional about whether we’re relying on God, I’m always learning.
Gindi, Awesome courage to write this blog even though you didn’t want to. I agree with the post above that it means God is using you to work in powerful ways. I have been struggling with this as well. I don’t want to give it up altogether, but I always feel guilty if I have a glass of wine during the week.
I’m with you – I don’t feel I need to get rid of it completely, but I do have to keep from using it as a crutch or a way to relieve stress.
Great post and hurray for keeping it real my friend!
Thanks my friend.