It. Is. Everywhere.
Y’all, what up with the ankle strap?
Theoretically, they are cute. I even look at those rows of ankle-strap pumps, SOME of them, and think, “ooooh, super cute.” I thought this when I took a turn down the DSW aisles this past week. They are everywhere. Not just at shoe stores. EVERYWHERE.
Go look at Ann Taylor’s suit section (oh, they’re running a sale on their suits, FYI). Go on, I’ll wait – http://www.anntaylor.com/suits/cata000013?trail=&pageSize=14&gridSize=md&catid=cata000013&goToPage=2&fRequest=true
Every single skirt suit is featured with big thick ankle straps.
The cover photo for “white hot” on DSW’s home page this week showed four kinds of shoes, and guess what? They ALL had ankle straps. There are 136 options for ankle strap pumps on their website right now.
So today is just going to be my public service announcement for the return of the ankle strap, and it’s not good news:
Virtually no one looks good in these shoes! Well, let me rephrase. Virtually no one looks good in these while wearing skirts or dresses. If you want to wear them with pants, go knock yourself out. (And I assume everyone has the sense not to pair them with a short.)
Because folks, a lot of these are thick ankle straps. But once you have an ankle strap, of any size, cutting your leg where you are supposed to be slim, well, it’s no good.
Here are women that struggle pulling off an ankle strap of nearly any size:
2. Several of my friends who wholeheartedly concur;
3. Anyone that is short to middle height;
4. Anyone who has thick calves or ankles;
5. Anyone who is carrying more weight than they are comfortable with.
Here is who looks good in an ankle strap:
Women over 5’10 who wear smaller than a size 8. Yep. I don’t know about the girls you hang with, but in my circle, that’s a pretty small subset of folks.
So who is buying all of these ANKLE STRAPPED SHOES? Surely we all have full length mirrors. (If you do not own a full length mirror, buy one this weekend. You can pick one up for about $10 at Wal-Mart.)
Here is a potpourri with commentary just for you on the shapes and sizes of ankle strapped pumps circling the shoe markets this spring. Hopefully, this will be on a loop in your head as you venture out shoe shopping:
I may be in love with this shoe. You remember my obsession with gray shoes? And paired with camel, sigh. But there is no possible way this shoe is going to work for me. Unless I promise, in writing, to never ever wear these with anything but trousers.
Y’all, this is an adorable striped summer wedge. But you pair that thick strap with that thick base and you’re going to look like a platypus. Cut the strap off I beg you and let the wedge (and your leg) shine.
Okay, I’m done. You can have your Friday back. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.