I wish I had more energy to give Chapters 10 and 11 of The Best Yes the attention they deserve because boy were they good. Did you catch this quote right off the bat? Did it ring as true for you as it did for me? Every yes comes with expectations and if we haven’t identified them before we offer our response, we could be in for a world of hurt.
On p. 119, Lysa asks a lot of smart questions that I am going to start employing before deciding – it feels thrilling to say yes now but how will it feel in a couple of months, could this yes be tied to people pleasing, are there facts I’m avoiding… Take that list with you. And in her words, “evaluation eliminates frustration.”
Then in Chapter 11, I found extraordinary insight in her take on “The Power of a Small No.” Oh y’all, I am really learning how to practice this technique this year and it is still hard. “Early on, expectations and disappointments can be managed better with a small no. But the more we let things develop and progress, the harder the no becomes.” (p. 127)
I am so incredibly thankful for the requests for lunches or coffees or advice or speaking that have come in this year. I am nothing special and I’m honored that people trust me for advice which I just pray every day that God directs me wisely if people seek counsel. However, the most important people are my family (and then my friends and my clients). There was no way I could say yes to all the requests but I didn’t say no. So I would prolong the inevitable and invite a series of, “I can’t now,” or “ask me when my schedule dies down.” The reality, and I knew it right away but delayed it anyway, was I didn’t have the bandwidth in this season.
This is how Lysa says no despite her people pleasing heart, “While my heart wants to say yes, the reality of my time makes this a no.”
There are times I need to say yes. There are responsibilities I have to give back in the way so many before me gave to me. But that reserve is not unlimited. So I chose ways and people to invest and give back, and there are others I can’t connect with during this nutty time in my life. So I will often say how truly honored I am to have been asked, {considered, invited, thought of} for a coffee, {lunch, meeting, event}, I just do not have the ability to connect individually right now. It is a hard line for me to even type in this blog post, so even more so when it connects with a person, but I am learning that a small no, especially one that offers a suggestion or counsel in response, can be the wisest course of action.
What did you find most useful in these chapters? Are you enjoying the study?
Page 124–“Could any of this be tied to people pleasing…?” Just about every single time–it’s so easy to say yes to an assignment or say maybe–it makes people happy to hear that answer and it feels good to make people happy. Tough to say no, but I love her suggestions in Chapter 11 for how to let people down thoughtfully and really explain the small no in a way that doesn’t sting quite so much and offers a little more content. Still hard to implement, but I’m willing to try!
Yes, it feels good to make people happy, and not so good to make them not happy – this is it so much of the time for me Sarah!