The Best Yes Study: From Insecurity to Courage

We’re almost through!  Thank you ladies for hanging in there with me.  Hopefully you’ve picked up as many useful tips as I have and can really implement them as you choose your yes and your no in the coming New Year.  Today, we’re looking at Chapters 16 (The Panic That Keeps You From Your Best Yes) and 17 (The Very Best Yes) of Lysa TerKeurst’s The Best Yes.  {If you’ve missed some of the study, just click on leadership topic on the right hand side of this blog, and you’ll see the series; because we know that smart leaders offer smart nos and yeses.}

We lead off today’s study by identifying panic that can hold us back.  I’ve struggled with fear on and off my whole life, but it really reared its ugly head once I had kids.  Well fear, or panic, can encompass more than just worrying about our family, “People can drown in things besides water.  You know where I see this most often? A woman’s insecurities.  It takes courage to say no.  It takes courage to say yes.  It takes courage to change the unhealthy patterns of our decision-making.  And anytime we need to be courageous, our deepest insecurities can make us want to back down from change.”  (Chp 16, p. 194)

Does that resonate with you?  I know the voice inside my head can shout down many a best yes decision out of fear or panic.  Here’s the reality and what Lysa identifies.  We do not have a fixed set of skills that never expand or grow.  Yet often we believe that’s true and that our limitations constrain us from achieving what we really want most out of life.  Instead, and research bears this out, we can grow because we have potential.  Wherever we are today and whatever we do, we have potential beyond that we currently exhibit.  For those of us with a faith foundation, we know that we humans have limitations but that our God does not and His freedom and power can give us exponential growth potential.

Lysa’s tip to embrace the growth mind set over the fixed mind set is to eliminate “but” from your vocabulary.  Nothing good ever came from that little word being used in our personal storyline.  “I want to speak, but I’m not polished enough.”  “I want to lead, but I don’t have the connections others do.”   Transform “but” into “therefore.”  “I want to speak, therefore since God laid this passion on my heart He will give me the words and the ability.”  Lysa uses scripture to empower her therefores; this is one of my favorites, “I am a child of God, therefore no weapon formed against me will stand. (Isaiah 54:17)”  (Chp 16, p. 199)

Then, in Chapter 17, Lysa shares a story of a broken heart and how brokenness can impact our Best Yes.  We’ve all been there and had deep heartache, and in those sad or angry or anguished places we overlook the forest for the trees and don’t choose a best yes response.  She shares, “Hard places can so easily make us want to default to using our feelings rather than wisdom as our guide.  That’s not the best time to make a decision.  At least not alone.  In those moments when we feel swept away in a current of fast-moving feelings, we need to pause.  Wait.  Let someone else be there as a voice of clarity.”  (Chp 17, p. 208)

I can’t tell you how often I have used this strategy.  Certainly there are times I haven’t.  But so often my core group of wise and savvy girlfriends step in to show me restraint and help me make a wise choice rather than an emotional one.

Do you have a person or people you can go to?  If you don’t, cultivate a relationship this year with someone whose judgment you trust that you can turn to for perspective.  If you do, then thank those people this season and make sure you are provide them wise counsel as well.  Make sure your “go-to” friends have gone through hard seasons as well and can appreciate the challenges that making hard choices in hard times brings.  Also, make sure they are not the folks that just agree with you.  You need wisdom in these seasons, not a rubber stamp of your emotions.

I leave you with the scripture shared in Chapter 17 that remind us that wisdom often grows from these hard seasons – I’d love to hear what connected with you this week:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.  James 1:2-5