A dear friend of mine received words a few years ago I can’t wrap my head around, “Your daughter has cancer.” They only found the tumor because her eye had begun to bulge. She was four.
Over the course of a year, she trekked back and forth to Texas Children’s Hospital through overnight stays and treatment courses, until the tumor shrunk. Now there’s just a shadow there. A reminder, she tells me, to never forget to lean on God.
She has a ministry to families with children that receive a cancer diagnosis. They don’t all have the same outcome. I just saw a note on Facebook from one of the families she knows – a father sharing his story of how he’d been given another four years with his precious girl here on Earth. He said, “At 8:47 this morning, she was ushered into the presence of Jesus…Our daughter had cancer. But now she is with our God who is bigger. Trust Him with us.”
I sat at the computer and cried. Cried for their family. Cried for all the families that are up tonight because of an overwhelming medical diagnosis leveled at one of their little ones. Cried because I can’t imagine walking through that valley.
This daddy stood in the midst of His grief and asked people to believe God even in the middle of this darkness. Because He believes there is a reason. One he can’t understand and can’t know, but he believes in a God who is bigger than the pain and unfairness who has a plan.
I worry. All the time. About big things and little things, most of which will never happen. Instead of trusting God, I allow myself to drown in fear over illness or dangers or the bad people in the world or negative messaging in the world or broken hearts or broken bones or whatever else could assail my children.
On the night this father received his daughter’s diagnosis, he shares what he read in Sarah Young’s book, Jesus Calling:
Entrust your loved ones to Me; release them into My protective care. They are much safer with me than in your clinging hands. If you let a loved one become an idol in your heart, you endanger that one – as well as yourself…When you release your loved ones to Me, you are free to cling to My hand. As you entrust others into My care, I am free to shower blessings on them. My Presence will go with them wherever they go, and I will give them rest. The same Presence stays with you, as you relax and place your trust in Me.
I don’t know how I would react when faced with the words my girlfriend, or this father, received. But I do know we have to stop being scared for our kids. We have to stop worrying over anything that could ever assail them.
A college friend of mine wrote she’d started praying differently for her girls. Instead of praying every night that God would keep them safe, she prayed they would know Him. She quoted hearing Jenn Hatmaker say, “Don’t be the reason your kids choose comfort and safety,” and went on to say she didn’t want to be the reason her kids decided to take a desk job rather than following a calling to Africa to work because she had instilled fear into them. She closed, with, “Raise BRAVE kids.”
Oh there’s so much that could happen, friends. Good or bad. Earth-shattering or groundbreaking. And it will happen, no matter what we do with our late night contemplations. Maybe we can all step out together and pray for peace and trust that He will be there no matter what.
Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5
The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7
So do not fear, for I am with you. Isaiah 41:10
My child was abused by a pastor.
He prayed with us when she tried to kill herself before we found out the reason.
I will never pray again.
The other church members shunned us but prayed for him and his family.
I will never pray again.
Oh Laurie –
It breaks my heart to read what has happen to your daughter by someone you thought you could trust. When you needed a community the most and God’s love to be poured over you and your child you were shunned. I know those actions caused deep hurts and placed a huge wedge between you and God.
Laurie it breaks my heart that the enemy stole your daughter’s innocence. And destroyed your relationship with God. The first part of John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy” has already happen. I am praying that you will experience the second half of the verse as well “I (Jesus) have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
Laurie – can I be so bold with you and cover you in prayer. Even if you don’t want to pray it, I want you to read my prayer for you.
Oh Heaven Father,
We know you are always with the brokenhearted Lord. We know that you can heal our wounds. God Laurie is mad at you for not protecting her daughter. She trusted that when she was not around that you would be there. Laurie is hurt by the way the church responded to the allegation and shunned her. The incident has caused her to runaway from you and not towards you. God give Laurie the strength to start talking to you. Even if all she can do is yell at you and say mean things to you. We know you are bigger than our anger Lord. So give her the courage to talk about the very thing that cause her so much pain. God show her how to forgive the people who hurt her Lord. It’s hard to forgive people when you feel your anger is justified and vengeance is needed. However you are our avenger Lord, so send her peace to know that you can and will fight on her behalf. Heavenly Father continue to pursue her with your love. Don’t allow another day to go by when she can’t feel your love in a tangible way. Never give up on trying to win Laurie and her daughter’s heart back Lord. God we trust that you will take the ashes of this incident and turn it into a beautiful mosaic that honors you. Because in Isaiah 61:3 you promise “To all who mourn in Israel,
he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
festive praise instead of despair.
Restore their joy Lord. Surround them with your mercy and give them a peace beyond their own understanding. We thank you in advance for the healing and restoration you are going to bring to them both. We ask all of this in Jesus name – AMEN
Laurie
My heart breaks for you reading your comment. I am SO SORRY. Sorry that this happened to your daughter and your family. Sorry that someone you thought you could trust betrayed you and sorry that the church community shunned you. How very devastating – I can’t even begin to imagine how you are feeling. Obviously I don’t have the words to make it better, I won’t try, but I will be in prayer over you.
Dear Laurie – I can not imagine what you must have gone through and are still going through. I am sorry if these words made the pain any worse. I am sorry for the church that failed you and your daughter. I am grateful you shared your heartbreak here with this community. I have watched a pastor decimate a community before (and have watched others build beautiful and life giving community), and all I know is that the only infallible being is God. I echo everything my friend Delonna prayed. That we will stand alongside you as it all too much to bear alone. If you ever want to share more of your story, or need someone to reach out to, feel free to email me.
Laurie, I am so sorry for the nightmare that you and your daughter have endured and continue to live with. The actions of the pastor and church toward your family are unthinkable. I’m so glad you commented here because your voice, your story, your daughter, and you are all so important. I’m a survivor myself, and I know how impossible healing can seem. If I can be of help, even just to listen, please don’t hesitate to email me: mandy.mianecki@gmail.com.
Oh Laurie, I simply cannot imagine what you and your daughter have been through. I am at a loss for words except to say I support you both. In my darkest days, I’ve been unable to pray…and if not for friends supporting me in prayer, I’m not sure I’d have made it. I am praying for you and your daughter.
I tear up every time I read an account of a young child gone to be with the Father. Maybe I’m naiive, but I just don’t worry about my kids. I just know that God has us in His hands, and I trust and hope that we never have to live through such sorrow. When I know a family who is grieving, I feel helpless because I can’t imagine going through their trial. What else is there to do but to offer a sympathetic word, give a hug, and pray for their healing?