Family

Four Weekends: No. 2

November 29, 2021 by Gindi Leave a Comment

Yesterday, I debuted my four weekend series of posts. I’m highlighting the four straight weekends I was out of town in October. How each of them play a part in our greater growth and community if we’ll make room for these times and relationships.

Weekend One – celebrating the kids!

Weekend Two – family time.

Bray loves the ranch. I much prefer the farm in Louisiana where his parents live, but he loves the more rustic ranch in south Texas.

I used to go more but I’ll admit that I don’t go often now. Life’s commitments and lack of ‘comforts of home’ mean that I don’t head down to Seadrift more than once a year, usually.

After Bray and I got engaged (Halloween 2005), we spent New Year’s Eve down at the ranch with his family. While there, we took our engagement pictures. Tractors and barns and fields with trees made for a picture perfect background. This year, I’d settled that I wanted to retake those photos with the kids. Bray turning 50 and the kids turning 12 and going to middle school made it a must do. I didn’t even know when I picked this year that we’d also be celebrating me beating cancer.

So we all packed up and headed down. There are fences to mend and cows to work and I’m not particularly good at any of that ranch work. I was able to catch up on some reading and make meals which was restorative on it’s own.

More importantly, there are no interruptions. There’s no cable tv. No internet. No close neighbors. No activities. No to do list. The kids are outside until dark and then we’re building a fire and chatting around the table in the one room ranch house.

As the kids get older, we often separate. Bray takes one or two or none and same for me. We are together weekday evenings for dinner but it’s often rushed and hectic with sports and homework and Bray and my jobs.

At the ranch though, it’s just us. The five of us. One little unit with no competing activities to divide us. As the kids get older, I’m more and more grateful for the moments we find together. And the kids even humored me with matching outfits and smiles under the tree and in the barn. (More to come on that in our Christmas card/letter this week!)

It’s busy. This life. But weekend two gave us a time out we all needed.

Four Weekends: No. 1

November 28, 2021 by Gindi 1 Comment

This October, I was out of town every single weekend. Four weekends in a row.

I’ve wanted to write about each of them. As I began to map out my posts, I realized they were a tapestry of what we need.

Ideally, they don’t all come right in a row because, you know, meal prep, house cleaning, catch up, etc.

But with great fortune, they each come.

Weekend One – celebrating kids. Intentional focused time on them. Weekend Two – family time. Time uninterrupted by life’s chaos. Weekend Three – girls weekend. Away time with friends to laugh and have good wine and talk about the big issues of life. Weekend Four – family friends. Time to spend with husbands and wives and kids that everyone in your family connects with and enjoys.

So I’ll cover each of them over the next few days. And I realize a romantic getaway with your person isn’t on there. That’s needed too. The reality is that it doesn’t come every year. Maybe it’s just a date night every quarter that tides you over.

The first weekend of October we celebrated the triplets turning 12! TWELVE! It’s almost impossible to imagine. I started blogging the month the trio turned one. I read over that first birthday blog post love letter when they were 2 and can’t even process how fast it’s all gone.

Instead of having a crazy big birthday party like we did ten years ago, or two years ago, all the kids wanted was to each bring a friend to the farm to fish and camp and visit the horses. I’d told them the next big birthday would be their sweet 16, so until then we do something fun with a six kids (when each kid gets to pick one friend, you land at 6!).

Bray was totally the man of the hour.

He was ON the whole weekend. It was a ton of work because he was the boat captain. We have this tiny aluminum boat at the farm, it’s been Bray’s family fishing boat since he was a kid, and Bray captains it through the gorgeous overgrown bayous and into the larger Gulf-fed waters until they find fish. This time, the kids jug-lined instead of traditional fishing and it was a HUGE hit. The kids said it was the best fishing they’d ever had and boy did they find some fish.

The four boys and Bray camped out down at the camp house which was in between tenants and the girls and I stayed up with Bray’s parents at the main house.

There were presents and desserts (pie and maccrons, per request) and gumbo and donuts, but most of all there was fishing. Fishing on Saturday and fishing on Sunday. The videos from the trip are some of the funniest I’ve ever watched. And while I stayed back at the house managing meals, Bray did the heavy lifting entertaining the kids on the boat.

There were some hiccups.

Stanley (our DOG who you know my feelings on) disappeared. He does this. He usually picks major events like birthdays to try and ruin (he ran away the night of Bray’s 50th birthday party this summer). When the kids got back from the fishing trip late Saturday afternoon, Stanley was nowhere to be found. He loves the farm and really doesn’t leave the main grounds when we’re there. The kids were beside themselves, esp the eldest. So, after an exhaustive search on the four wheeler, Bray agreed to take the boys out to search the bayou. Lo and behold, Stanley had followed them in the marsh, jumped across the bayou and was stuck on the other side in high water reeds. That dog has nine lives. He was safely returned no worse for wear.

Then, when we headed home, we hit a major detour. Bray had to come home Monday morning so it was me and six sixth graders. The trip from the farm to Houston is about two and a half hours. I left extra early, noon on Sunday, so I could be back in time to speak at church worship that night at 5 pm. After we got through Beaumont, traffic STOPPED. Not slowed. Stopped.

Turns out, the great state of Texas had decided to CLOSE Interstate 10 on Sunday afternoon. What could go wrong? After a noon departure, I dropped the kids back at their homes at 6:30 PM! That’s right, nearly seven hours in the car.

And yet. I have to say this was one of my favorite parts of the birthday weekend. All of these kids are massively awesome. The baby’s best friend crawled up in the front seat, swapping with the eldest’s best friend, and decided we’d have a sing along. Since we were parked on I-10, we rolled down the windows, waved at the cars around us, tried to get truckers to honk, and gave a Gatorade to a stranded motorcyclist.

And we SANG. At the top of our lungs. I have video proof. The song selection was HYSTERICAL! Y’all, these twelve year olds gave me hope for humanity. We had 12 year old boys singing Let it Go and Avocado. When we arrived at one of the houses (they all live in the neighborhood so I had an easy drop off), little bit’s best pal hoped out of the car and said I would totally do that drive again!

I can’t even with their awesomeness.

The thing I loved about this trip was really spending uninterrupted time with the kids and their friends. Their closest pals. Who are so cool. And interesting. And funny. At parties, I’m catching up with their parents. At sporting events, we’re all cheering. But on this farm weekend, we were having meals and conversations (extra long ones on the ride home) about a wide array of topics.

So weekend one was a huge success. Thanks largely to Bray and a passel of amazing kiddos. A twelfth birthday for the record books!

The Terrific Twelves – A Different Birthday Letter

October 3, 2021 by Gindi Leave a Comment

Sunday, we drove home from the farm in Louisiana. Saturday was your TWELFTH birthday and you each brought a friend for the weekend to celebrate.

Typically, I pen a birthday letter to you all.

I revisited my original blog birthday letter.

It’s fascinating what’s changed and what’s stayed the same.

I wrote about the eldest’s persistence even then and it’s still one of my favorite qualities about him.

While little bit is still fiercely independent and can tell (or reenact) a story with delightful dramatics.

And the baby? Well, he still has a sensitive soul and a love for learning.

Other things have changed.

So many.

But what I was struck by, on the drive home, was how amazing you and your friends are.

I thought, instead of a letter this year, I’d share that story.

You see, instead of the typical 2 ½ hour drive we were all expecting, you six sixth graders got a 5+ hour drive. Some highway construction genius decided to SHUT DOWN I-10 on a Sunday.

The freeway was shut down. And we didn’t know until it was too late and it took us two hours just to pass one exit.

That drive could have been a total disaster. I was certainly in frustrated spirits.

But you all made it fabulous.

You laugh and told jokes and best of all put on music, rolled down the windows, waved at the cars full of stranded drivers around us, and SANG. At the top of your lungs. Baby Shark. Avocado. Let It Go. You even had me singing. And cracking up.

What struck me is how cool you have all become.

How much I love spending time with you all.

Even in confined spaces J

This weekend you struck out on your own and fished and explored and fed horses.

You advocated for your lost dog and waded through murky marsh to rescue him.

Then you went and made a five hour car trip completely fun. A feat I wouldn’t have been able to accomplish.

As one of your friends said after FINALLY exiting the car back at the neighborhood, “I’d do that car trip again!”

So would I.

It defined for me what is happening. What you are becoming.

These grown (growing) people.

Of course there is still so much maturing and learning. But I’m starting to see glimpses of the older you. Who you will become. How you will make this world bigger and better and brighter.

Wow. Lucky me.

So all those words of the letters are still, mostly true, but for this birthday I thought I’d say thanks. Thanks for being an original. For learning and laughing and managing to figure all this stuff out. In the face of a world gone mad and hurricanes and cancer and pandemics, you just kept growing up.

I can’t wait to see what unfolds this year.

Love you more.

On The First Day of Sixth Grade

August 19, 2021 by Gindi Leave a Comment

You went to middle school today.

And even though this is the evening and you’re now home, I’m still processing it.

I have far fewer words of advice as you reach this stage. I’m confident I can do far less to help.

You are growing and able to do so much on your own.

More than just being able to cook and load the dishwasher and start a load of laundry. I’m thrilled you know how to do all that of course (even if you choose NOT to), but it’s the other stuff.

Navigating difficult conversations.

Making new people feel welcome.

Pushing past the really hard parts.

Figuring out which decision to make without me.

I’m still here. And available to encourage, advise, support, cheer, cry, whatever. But I see, even this week, that some of it is going to require your navigation.

Last night, when one of you was really sad and faced with some pressure and a hard decision, I said, I can’t make this decision for you. You’re going to have to make the choice. And if you decide this one thing, then you’re going to need to go have a conversation with an authority figure you respect. I’m here to let you cry and to support your decision, but this one, well it’s for you.

You’re no strangers to me liking to run things. Organizing things. Control things.

So on this first day of sixth grade, I’m working really hard too. I’m releasing some things. Things that I would do differently. Choices I would have made instead. One of you said this week, when we disagreed about which path to take on a middle school option, You can’t make me and I’m not going to do that.

You are right to stand up to me. And, maybe I don’t say it enough, you should trust yourself.

Of course you can’t make all the decisions. You’re growing and learning and you’ll probably do a million stupid things in the next three years. Lord knows I did. It’s hormones. Don’t worry. It can’t be helped, really.

But you, each of you, have good instincts. You know yourself. Trust your instincts. Make the choice that doesn’t feel easy if you know it’s the right one.

If though, I could offer you a piece of advice, make it out of strength not out of fear of failure.

Confidence can be hard to come by, especially in middle school. Everything is changing and insecurity is often the default.

If I push you, it is not because I’m trying to be a tyrant. (Well, most of the time.) I ask you WHY you are making that choice because I want you to learn to ask yourself that question.

Are you worried you’re not good enough? That maybe you’ll embarrass yourself? Are you worried someone won’t like you or you won’t fit in?

Then reevaluate your decision. These are not the reasons to say yes or no to a path.

On the other hand, does it fit you? Does it bring you joy? Are you passionate about it?

If you’re making choices because of these reasons, then you do it, go boldly, and fight me if I’m pushing you away from this. (You might have to remind me I said that.)

And before you make any decision, did you talk to God? Did you take the time to pray about it? Is this choice consistent with what you know God calls us to do?

Each of you is the most precious gift. I watched you walk into this school that I’m so utterly grateful that we have and I just felt proud.

I’m proud of all you have endured. The setbacks. The losses. I know there’s been cancer and COVID and hurricanes and floods in your lower school years. But you are resilient.

God was just showing off when He sent us you three. Really, it was audacious. I am still overwhelmed.

I love you.

You’re incredible.

Go blow middle school out of the water.

Love always and forever, Mom

The Great Bah-Habah Getaway

July 1, 2021 by Gindi Leave a Comment

I promised I would write about our gorgeous Bar Harbor, Maine vacation. (Otherwise known as Bah Habah up north…)

And I also have about a zillion posts running around in my head.

The one about 5^th grade graduation.

The one about summer.

Another one about friends.

I think I used so many words during cancer I ran out for a while.

So this week I’m working on all those backlogged posts and today is VACATION!

This is mainly logistics because so many of you mentioned you’re interested in taking a vacation to Maine. I HIGHLY recommend it. Bray and I honeymooned in Bar Harbor but it had been 15 years since we’d been back. A lot has changed.

First up: When to go?

We honeymooned in May and that was way too early because everything was closed. This time we went the first full week in June. It’s still a wee bit early. If I had to redo it, I’d do late June. Before the insane 4^th of July and after crowds (July and August are peak months), but it seems everything is open by Father’s Day.

Second up: How to go?

We wanted to show the kids Boston, so we flew roundtrip in and out of Boston. It’s a 4 ½ hour drive from Boston to Bar Harbor. It’s worth doing, but if you have the travel budget or air miles, I’d recommend flying in to Boston on the way up but flying back out of Bangor or Portland. We rented an SUV and you absolutely need a rental to get around Maine.

Third up: Where to stay?

There are plenty of inns, hotels, and B&Bs in the area but we are all about staying in a house. Especially when we are somewhere for a week. We found a gorgeous rental on the water, and the closer I am to the water the better off I feel. This is the rental where we stayed:

I have mixed feelings about it. Location was perfect. Nestled at the back of a dirt road right on the water with private steps to the beach (they’re rocky there) and a firepit where we could roast s’mores. There was also really good living space – open living room with a kitchen that looked out on the living space and water. But there were definitely drawbacks. There was no AC and it was VERY hot our first few days (recordbreaking, in the 90s). The laundry was in a dank basement, so I had to schlep all our clothes from the second story to the basement to wash. The “heated” pool was not very heated so even with high temps and sunny skies, thankfully, the water was quite cold. We had some problems with the hot water. All in all, I’m glad we had a nice big home on the water, but this particular spot was probably overpriced for what we got.

Fourth up: What do you do?

If you start in Boston, I highly recommend eating in the North End. We had an incredible dinner from Giacomo’s (it’s tiny, go early, bring cash). I thought the pastries from Mike’s were over-hyped, but maybe do it anyway. We did a Duck Tour – it was meh. I loved the one in DC. We had a blast at the Boston Tea Party museum and reenactment. Walk Freedom Trail.

Once in Bar Harbor, you can’t go without spending time at Acadia National Park. (Pro tip – kids are free in 4th grade and because of the pandemic they were free for 5th grade too so we got two years of free National Park admissions!) We loved it. There was so much good there. Among the things you must do at Acadia are:

Us and Cadillac Mountain – 15 years later

Make a reservation for Cadillac Mountain Road – they’re easy enough to get but you can’t go up and hike Cadillac Mountain without getting one. After hiking around Cadillac Mountain on Monday, we got another reservation for Friday so we could do it again.
Go to Sand Beach – it is a sand beach. I know, I know, so what. But the beaches in Maine are rocky and this is really beautiful. Set into the clefts of the rocks. Water is freezing but kids got in anyway.
Definitely walk Jordan Pond – I loved this area. So beautiful. And after you walk around the pond, which is not at all strenuous, then you go to Jordan Pond House. They’ve been around since the late 1800s and are known for their popovers and jam. Parking is insane near Jordan Pond so plan on going earlier in the day whenever you decide to visit so you can find parking. We had to try two days in a row.
Drive Park Loop Road and pull off when you see something interesting. It’s long, almost 30 miles, but has all sorts of cool stops like Thunder Hole, Otter Cliffs and Cove, and carriage roads.

In addition to Acadia, we ended up with several great outings throughout the week. We had such fun on our two hour LuLu Lobster Boat Ride with a lobsterman who taught us a lot about lobster and lobster fishing.

We saw the FIRST whale of the summer season when we went out on our Bar Harbor Whale Watching tour. It is long – we were on the water over five hours one afternoon in search for a whale. And if you get seasick, you probably will. (We had several folks throwing up on the catamaran.) We loved it though. Well three of the five of us loved it. Two of us tolerated it.

Diver Ed wasn’t open yet when we were there but we’ve heard rave reviews.

And the kids absolutely loved their day kayaking on Long Pond. It was gorgeous, rentals were reasonable through National Park Kayak Rentals, and there was even a spot to jump in and swim near where you launched at the south end. It’s WAY bigger than a pond.

Fifth up: RELAX. It’s gorgeous.

We really did unwind. It took a few days. Bray got sick the day before we left, just feeling generally crummy and wasn’t back to himself until Monday or Tuesday. Then to add insult to injury, the baby got an ear infection on Saturday so we spent Sunday morning in an urgent care getting checked out.

I was super grateful I had planned very little – each day was a design your own adventure. I listed our options and had only made reservations for the Duck Boat Tour in Boston, the Lobster Boat trip in Bar Harbor, and the Whale Watching. That let each of us do our own thing. For me, it was walking Jordan Pondan and having popovers. While for Bray, it was lobster at lunch and dinner (we made that happen for all but Monday’s lunch). For the kids, it was returning to Cadillac Mountain and Sand Beach, which we did on Friday. We definitely didn’t do everything, but we did a lot.

Watch sunsets on the water every night.

Laugh.

Build a fire. (You can do that in Maine in the summer.)

Avoid the freaky and painful browntail moth caterpillar. (That drops from trees. And sits on Adirondack chairs.)

Try something new.

Eat lobster. And ice cream. And don’t miss the Allagash white beer, on draft.

Play music outside.

Reset.