Family

Day 20 – Last Friday

March 28, 2021 by Gindi Leave a Comment

This was my last Friday of radiation. I have three more days left.

I’m burned and tired but quickly approaching the conclusion of this leg of the journey.

If I hadn’t waited until the weekend to write this post, I had a whole bucket of thoughts for this little corner.

But my memory lasts about 5 minutes these days. Grab that thought and write it down or it’s gone.

So instead, I’ll say this weekend was good. Exhausting but good.

Little bit had her best pal over to play on Friday. Then the boys friends from down the street rode up and jumped into our icy pool. They’re insane. The girls just shook their heads at their antics.

Then the boys went to a baseball party while the girls laughed and ate their yummy Door Dash orders.

Saturday was LONG.

A huge win for the girls softball team on their first outing (largely due to a very inexperienced opponent, but still a fun start). An early outing at that – we had to arrive at the ball field by 7:30 am. Then we came home, I made a protein laden breakfast (which they ate very little of b/c of their early morning donuts!), and everyone changed. Bray took the boys to their baseball game and I was off with little bit to track.

The boys battled back from a 5-0 deficit to win the game 12-7. The baby alternates between pitcher and second or third base. The eldest usually plays first base with also serving as a relief pitcher. They lost their first game by one so this made them extraordinarily happy!

Meanwhile, I was with my little Road Runner. She’s a 5th grader competing against junior high kids. She had come in third in her 200 m race last meet. Then this meet she came in second in the 800 m and helped anchor two relay races.

I do not know where she gets it. A dear friend sent me the info for the Susan G Komen breast cancer 5k this year. It falls on the kids birthday and we’re going to run it together! So my little racer is going to have to start training her out of shape mom.

Today, the kids read the Lenten reading in church. What a joy to see them all dressed up together in church. Thankfully, because of a rainy day, everything else got canceled and we could decompress.

In other news, we booked our flights for our big summer vacation. I cannot wait!!! I actually booked this house in Bar Harbor Maine LAST summer! It’s on the water, right next to Acadia National Park and Bar Harbor.

We’ll fly into Boston on a Friday morning, spend 24 hours cramming all the the history in, and then drive up the coast. We have this gorgeous splurge of a house from Saturday to Saturday. We’re going whale watching and hiking Acadia and lobster fishing and we’re also doing a lot of nothing too. I couldn’t be more excited.

*If you have a fav thing to do in Boston or on Mount Desert Island in Maine, please send them my way.*

This trip will be a celebration. You see, in May 2006, 15 years ago, Bray and I did this same trip as our honeymoon. We’ve wanted to take the kids and now it will be a celebration of 15 years, their 5th grade graduation, him turning 50, and now even me being cancer free (an extra we didn’t know when the trip was planned!)!

A lot of good in store. I’m thankful.

Soup, Soup, and More Soup

January 19, 2021 by Gindi Leave a Comment

I love soup.

Oh how I love soup.

My kids wish I didn’t love soup so much. Because I could serve it for supper for days on end.

I have some favorite soups in my quiver already. I highly recommend almost all of Pioneer Woman’s soups, but most particularly I love her Veggie Chili (to which I add more veggies, you’ll see this as a theme), Hamburger Soup (which I sub out ground turkey, another theme), and also Half Baked Harvest soups (search for flavors or ingredients you love, and she’ll have a soup recipe, but avoid the tortellini ones).

I’ve also made a bunch of different butternut squash soups but I’d have to give you a bunch of recipes, as well as slow cooker tortilla soup and white bean chicken chili. I’m always open to try something new.

Thanks to social media, when I put out a call for soup recipes, I received A LOT. I have tried six. I’ll provide those for you below, along with the ones still on my radar to make this month.

Sadly, none of them blew me away. I don’t have one five star recipe to share. As a result, I need more! If you’ve got an award winning soup for me, bring it on!!!

The order of soup recipes below is the order in which I tried making it over the course of a two day weekend. I did freeze some in these cool souper cubes that my friend recommended and my stepmom promptly shipped me (mine are one cup). So we still have some chicken chili and carrot ginger soup for future chilly evenings.

With regard to some of my substitutions, I haven’t had beef or pork in over 25 years. So I always sub out beef with chicken or turkey. I will sometimes include a little bacon for flavor but that’s about it. No pork sausage or ground beef unless I’m cooking something for my family that I don’t intend to eat myself. I also always add more spice, including garlic, and veggies than the recipe calls for because it just makes it better!

Soup #1 – Cheeseburger Soup from the Recipe Critic, Three Stars

A couple friends recommended this as a big hit soup with the kids. I was hesitant because I tend not to like creamy based soup, unless it’s potato. Also, I love to be able to throw a bunch of veggies in mine and this wasn’t high on veggies. But I decided I’d give it a whirl. Pluses were the kids did love it, and ate seconds (rare for soup), and I love the idea of shredded carrots in soup. I hadn’t done that before. Otherwise, it was too heavy for me.

Soup #2 – Ina Garten’s Italian Wedding Soup, Three Stars

Ina! I’m so disappointed. This came highly recommended and I love Ina. Here were the problems. The soup didn’t have nearly enough flavor even though I added more spices than it called for. I did not care for the meatballs. The pasta soaked up all the broth.

I would make this again but I would do this differently. First, I would make Half Baked Harvest zucchini parmesan chicken meatballs, which if you follow me on the socials you know I’m totally obsessed with this recipe of hers. I would only pour the soup over the pasta instead of including the pasta in the soup itself to keep more juice. I would add even more spices to give it some depth of flavor. Maybe those better meatballs would fix that problem.

Soup #3 – Slow Cooker White Chicken Chili from The Real Food DRDs, Three and a Half Stars

This recipe was fine. I liked it fine (you can tell just fine because I basically forgot to take pictures until I was freezing it!). It’s just I’ve had a lot of chicken chili and I need more kick than this had. The coconut milk, which I hadn’t used before, didn’t bother us at all. It’s just that it was just okay. You would think with all of those spices it would have been great – I think it just needed more of all the spices and jalapeños. I like a little spice, especially in chili!

Soup #4 – Carrot Ginger Soup from Saveur, Four Stars

Okay, I loved the flavor in this soup. I love carrot, squash, sweet potato soups. But here’s the problem. It’s just not very filling. This makes an insane amount and it really needs to be served as a starter for a meal. It doesn’t make a meal. It was also a little thinner than I had hoped it would be. I followed the recipe very nearly exactly, which is rare for me. It is quite spicy because I did find Thai peppers and they have a heck of a kick. I do not understand the smoked sausage, it didn’t really add anything…

If you don’t like carrots or spice, this one isn’t for you. If you do, then you really need to serve it with a substantive salad or sandwich to make a meal. (And I love a soup that serves as the main course.)

Soup #5 – Sweet Potato Chicken Noodle from Damn Delicious, Four Stars plus a smidge

This was my favorite of all the soups I tried. The flavors were rich. We’ve been on a bit of a sweet potato kick (I just made another batch of Half Baked Harvest’s chipotle chicken sweet potatoes last night, YUM!). I added a little less spinach, because my kids. Other than that, the only edits I made were more of all the fresh spices, plus I subbed out chicken breasts, used two medium sweet potatoes, and added a bit more lemon juice and stock. This was super yummy and all five of us loved it and had seconds. The only reason I didn’t give it five stars is because it’s just not a Pioneer Woman veggie chili yet…

Soup #6 – Taco Soup from Pinterest, Four Stars

This soup is good. The only reason I’m not going nuts over it is because it is basically my Pioneer Woman veggie chili without the veggies. And I do love veggies in a pot. The revisions I made to the soup were using ground turkey instead of beef, using two cans of Rotel and one can of tomatoes instead of vice versa, and sautéing the turkey with onions and peppers. I need some veggies!

Also, I don’t use powdered spice mixes anymore because of the sodium. Since taco spices are just cumin, chili powder, paprika, and oregano with some salt, I added that in – I probably use cumin and chili powder more than any other spice. I do have some ranch seasoning in a shaker that I used a bit off because I like that buttermilk kick the powder gives. And I needed way more broth, mine was chicken, so it was probably close to three cups instead. I topped it with fresh cheddar and sour cream and everyone loved it. But next time, use veggies!

What’s On The Menu?

Here are the soups that are in the hopper for the month. I actually started my social media post because I was craving a GREAT potato soup. This is my ultimate comfort soup. I received this recommendation for a potato soup from The Whole Cook and I want to try it out. Also recommended was Healthy Zuppa Toscano, which I’m willing to try by subbing out the pork sausage for turkey, but I’m somewhat skeptical it is “bursting with flavor” unless I add a lot of my own spices which I don’t see appearing in their recipe.

Another option for potato is Damn Delicious’ chicken and potato chowder which looks promising but I think I’d need to add corn too. And then there was a recipe for pumpkin black bean soup which sounds so crazy but looks really good. There wasn’t a website link but the recipe calls for canned pumpkin, black beans, diced tomatoes, garlic, balsamic, red onion, garlic, and chicken broth. I know it sounds a little nutty but it’s really appealing to me. I’ll post on the socials if it works out.

Okay, that’s it from my little corner. Sound off on what soup you have to have and what I should add to this month’s list! And let me know if you make one of these and find a way to make it a part of the permanent soup rotation!

Positive

January 13, 2021 by Gindi 2 Comments

I was so angry.

Sad, too, but angry mostly.

This weekend, COVID positive hit our family.

While I was shocked, once I absorbed the news, I was pissed.

Excuse me, but I was.

Not any sort of holy angry but straight up “it’s not fair,” pity party anger.

We have been SO careful since my diagnosis.

We were always somewhat careful, no big travel, no parties, etc., but I mean lock down, hard core serious since December. We saw none of Bray’s siblings or the kids cousins. We went nowhere except for the farm where his parents were, who also had been absolutely nowhere. Bray had to still work but his job is primarily outdoors.

I flippin’ kept the kids home from school last week as a PRECAUTION so we would not catch COVID. I just needed to stay clear until February 4^th. (I’d love to never have it, but I realize with school and groceries, etc., there’s always the possibility.)

I railed on the phone to my two closest friends. I went to get tested, which came back negative, but that doctor recommended I move out to preserve my surgery date. The kids pediatrician recommended I move out to preserve my surgery date. Go into isolation to get to February 4^th.

I don’t know what planet medical recommendations come from sometime. They are done in the best and kindest way, but if you are a working mom of three who are having to homeschool because of COVID, what happens when the mom leaves the house? I help them with school. I cook three meals. Yes, they are 11 now, but they aren’t 16.

It just made me angrier.

And the brutal reality about COVID, which every one of you know by now, is that NO ONE CAN HELP!! I told my regular nanny not to come because I wasn’t about to expose anyone to this. My mom is high risk. One of my dear friends told me she would come over regardless. She’s a mom. I told her no way. She sent me pics of haz mat suits – she was willing 🙂 (A momentary laugh in a day of fury…)

I told my best friend I was angrier at these damn results than I was when I got the news about breast cancer. How do all these people travel around the country and see their families and not contract this stupid awful horrible thing but WE get exposed?!?!?! I was nothing more than a toddler throwing a tantrum that I didn’t get what I wanted.

But I’ll tell you this – if this whole cancer business was a test, one where I learn I can’t control everything, I wasn’t passing. Because I was doing a pretty good job controlling things. Working- check. Kids school – check. Right doctors and medical plan – check. You know what turned that mild sense of still having some control on its head? COVID.

If you don’t struggle with control, then you fully recognized long ago you’re on this life thing as a rider. You do the best you can but you have no control. But me, well I keep trying to “manage” it all.

Even regarding help. I kept telling everyone I didn’t need help, because I didn’t. But when this hit, we had some families offer to bring us dinner this week. For those of you who follow my social media, you knew I’d been on a soup kick (post coming tomorrow) so I was all set until today. So I finally accepted some generous offers to drop food. But then I felt guilty. I mean we have financial means and a Door Dash/Instacart app, who are we to accept people bringing us dinner?

It’s a vicious cycle this thinking you can manage it all by yourself.

I wrote this on Facebook on Monday, in a brief moment of leaning into my faith:

One of my dearest friends and fiercest prayer warriors was talking about Psalms yesterday.
I was sharing some of my favorites – ones with Bob Ross happy clouds in them.
She shared about a sermon her pastor taught on Psalm 88. The only one that ends without praise. A Psalm, he called it, for the clinically depressed. He preached on lament. She remembers she was tired of being sad.
I read it this morning. A Psalm 88 morning. I feel like we are on a rollercoaster. Good news which brings hope and then another blow.
David writes: I call to you, Lord, every day; I spread out my hands to you. Do you show your wonders to the dead? Do their spirits rise up and praise you? Is your love declared in the grave, your faithfulness in Destruction? Are your wonders known in the place of darkness, or your righteous deeds in the land of oblivion? But I cry to you for help, Lord; in the morning my prayer comes before you. Why, Lord, do you reject me and hide your face from me? Psalm 88
There’s no catchy joy at the end. No “I praise you for your wonders Lord!” But faith. You know. The substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
Another dear friend wrote this to me last night as I was sinking: This is where I always start when the world is spiraling – Heidelberg 1 baby: What is my ONLY comfort in life and in death? That I am not my own but belong, body and soul, in life and in death, to my faithful savior Jesus Christ. He watches over me in such a way that not a hair can fall from my head without the will of my father in heaven.
So, in case you are trapped in a Psalm 88 day, week, year… let’s just start with praying a simple catechism together, and remember all things work together.

I believe all of that. But I’m still sad and mad. And when we said our bedtime prayers Sunday night, the kids were shaking their fists and asking why. I told them to bring all of that to God. Trying to suppress what you really feel to “be presentable” to a God who knows anyways is no good. We’ll just keep reading through these Psalms. It reminds us that for centuries people have brought their suffering and loneliness and sinfulness and anger and sadness and frustration to God.

Sometimes, we can close those days in praise. Sometimes we can’t. I remember a happy clappy praise song we’d sing when I was a teenager, “We bring the sacrifice of praise into the house of the Lord… and we offer up to you, the sacrifices of thanksgiving.” I mean this could not BE a more cheerful sing-songy chorus. But as it ran through my head as I sat in the urgent care parking lot, I thought about how shallow a faith that is. The smiley-cheery sacrifice of praise? It should be a mournful dirge. On days like today, if you can muster up a closing prayer with praise, it is a huge sacrifice and it is done with pain and humility.

“Thank you God for all the ways you have provided. For the community of people surrounding us with help and prayer. For the house. For the stock of soups made before we’d know we need it. Thank you God for a way forward. For modern medicine. For friendships and the ability to learn still even from home…”

All true. But a sacrifice.

Zoom Out

December 30, 2020 by Gindi 1 Comment

We’ve been at the farm this week. The top photo was a shot I took as the sun was setting. I zoomed in on the sunset to crop out all the stuff that took away from its beauty. But then, when you zoom out, you see what’s around it.

Zoom out. There’s work trucks. A trash bin and loading pallet. There’s a storage container. Because as you know, Hurricane Laura decimated the Vincent family farm. And then it got hit again by Hurricane Delta. Progress is being made, but it’s slow going. Rebuilding from the ground up.

Then, if you pan over a little to the left, you’d see this picture at sunset.

Zoom in – sunset exclusively in focus. Zoom out – sunset distracted by hurricane clean up pieces. Zoom over – a handsome son enjoying a fire he built.

I planned to write. For over a week. I meant to. But I’ve been pretty antisocial this holiday. I’m avoiding telephone calls. I haven’t seen anyone besides my crew. And everytime I go to do something, I just stop.

So when I finally made myself sit down to write today, I thought about how our perspective changes when we zoom in or out or over. (And I seriously hesitated using the word Zoom at all in a 2020 wrap up post.)

For the first few weeks after I received my diagnosis, I was very focused on seeing all the good. The blessings. The miracles.

I stopped that last week. Not permanently of course, but I allowed myself to be grumpy. And conflicted.

I wanted the kids to stay home because I wanted to spend time with them because TIME FEELS VERY PRECIOUS. Except while they were home they were fighting and I was yelling at them and I just wanted a break. A break from my kids? While I have breast cancer? It felt terrible to even think because time feels shorter and I should treasure every moment. But I couldn’t treasure a thing because I was tired and had a ton of cooking to do and the house was messy and the kids were fighting. (It got better! We had a great Wednesday! All the cooking got done!)

Perspective. How do you reconcile the warring perspectives? Zoom in, kids fighting and chaos. Zoom out, life is short and enjoy every minute. Zoom over, good progress on treatment.

I had a really positive appointment with the medical team at MD Anderson last week too. It turns out the cancer is Stage 1 not Stage 2, hallelujah, and it looks like the garden variety, hormone positive, breast cancer that makes up 70% of the cases. Another huge praise. When you have cancer, you want the early stage, run of the mill stuff.

There are still things to pray about. We are praying my genetic testing comes back all clear. Praying the surgery (which is scheduled for February 4th) will confirm no cancer in the lymphnodes like the ultrasound showed. Praying the genomic testing done on the tumor doesn’t show a high reproduction rate so I won’t need chemotherapy.

While I feel like I’m constantly zooming over to the treatment course, another phone call today to move forward with the genetic counseling, I’m trying to remember to zoom out more.

How far out? Well, at least as far out to see the glorious 2021 in the near future.

I’m not delusional. I do not think 2021 is going to be a panacea. We still have a world fighting a pandemic and inequality in the distribution of medicine to stop it and inequity in our socioeconomic and racial fault lines and infighting over silly political memes.

Yet. I find hope in 2021. I find hope in a relief from an election year. In a vaccine which will hopefully curb the spread of this vicious virus. In a 5th grade graduation ceremony and 15th wedding anniversary and hubby’s 50th birthday. I believe this time next year I will be cancer free and hopefully able to love on the next round of women who are feeling all the things I’m feeling right now.

See, you would think by zooming out, if you use those pictures above as a guide, I would see the pain and things that mar the beauty. But no! By Zooming out, you see the things that bring restoration. You see the work trucks which bring people to construct and build and clean. You see the containers that kept family heirlooms safe while the rebuilding happens.

The restoration isn’t pretty. It’s dirty and messy and ugly and takes way longer than it should. But in the end, RESTORED.

It reminds me of Nehemiah. In the beginning, the walls of Jerusalem are broken down and the gates destroyed by fire. He leads the effort of rebuilding, an effort attacked on every side. The work gets done though. When you get to Chapter 3, it lists all these different families doing the messy work of restoration (Jeshanah Gate repaired by Joiada, Fish Gate was rebuilt by the sons of Hassenaah, Fountain Gate was repaired by Shallun, Baruch son of Zabbai zealously repaired another section, and on and on).

It’s what we’re all doing. We’re all just restoring a little bit.

Zoom out. You’re rebuilding civility. And you, you’re restoring justice. You, quiet one in the corner, you’re rebuilding with art or medicine or education.

It’s messy. Maybe it’s not as pretty a picture as when we’re so zoomed in on ourselves. On that solitary sunset. But oh how it reflects the community working together toward restoration.

And that’s why there is such hope for 2021. The teachers and medical workers and first responders and lawyers and grocery clerks and students and retirees and all of us. We’re doing the hopeful messy restorative work.

Keep going. With all it’s conflict and uncertainty and stepping on each other’s toes. It’s work worth doing.

Christmas 2020

December 9, 2020 by Gindi Leave a Comment

Merry Christmas!

Sorry we’re a little late with the Christmas letter that I promised in our card. (*Sheepish grin, a little diagnosis sent everything a little topsy turvy over here*)

I went back to the master blog post list to remind myself when 2020 started. Because this year has felt like five. Anyone else?

It’s been hard, absolutely. But it’s been good too.

Apparently, I’ve written a total of 1,428 blog posts. Now some of those were back in the days of Wordless Wednesdays, but still, I’m betting it’s right around 1,400. I started this blog a decade ago but forgot to have a big “we’ve been around a decade” party because 2020!

In 2020 though, I only wrote 58 posts. And that was only because I did 28 days of writing in February (pre-pandemic). So without those 28 posts, I wrote 30 posts all year long. My first post of the year, entitled The Ellipsis, would be nearly prophetic for the year the Vincents had ahead. I was coming off of returning from my best friend’s oldest son’s funeral and wrote:

I don’t understand God, yet. (That yet may never be fulfilled this side of heaven.)… I don’t know what’s next, yet. (Maybe I won’t know until the next happens, and so I wait.) This fog won’t lift, yet. (It will lift. The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it. – John 1)

As a Type A planner, this is the most unplanned I’ve ever been. Darn near unraveling. But maybe it takes unraveling to pull together what God has planned instead of what I planned. The dictionary says unraveling means to undo twisted, knitted or woven threads. And Colossians 2 says: I want you woven into a tapestry of love, in touch with everything there is to know of God. Then you will have minds confident and at rest, focused on Christ, God’s great mystery. (The Msg)

So I don’t know, yet, what to expect or want from 2020. Maybe simply to expect or want this unraveling to result in a new tapestry that is woven by the hand of God. Beauty from ashes. Hope from despair. Rebuilt and restored ruins after devastation.(Isaiah 61)

We had unraveling. And devastation. We also had joy and laughter and late nights and wins and an overwhelming number of blessings.

The eldest and I took a mommy and me trip to the National College Football championship in January. Apparently, because of my fog, I didn’t even write about it. I’ll go back this week and remedy that error. He got to see his beloved LSU, headed by Coach O and Joe Burrow, take the championship trophy in New Orleans. The trip was sweet time for me to get away with this boy-man who is increasingly spending time growing into a man with his father and less inclined to cuddle with me.

February was filled with the beginning rumblings of COVID while all three kids played basketball and went to school and Bray and I juggled our full time jobs.

March was when the bottom fell out for the world. It fell out in the U.S. while we were on Spring Break. So we ended up cutting our spring break trip short and promising the kids we’d finish the Utah leg in 2021 (we still hope to do that!). The Grand Canyon and Sedona and Page were absolutely breathtaking and we loved our VRBO house! It was a wonderful trip, even shortened.

The spring for us, like for all of you parents out there, meant juggling home schooling with being cooped up at home and doing your full time job from a screen with school zooms in the background. My screen was perched at the corner of our kitchen table while Bray had to continue to go in to work because you can’t remodel backyards from your home office.

We had a quiet Easter at home, enjoyed homeschooling from the farm in May (grandpa was even a class featured guest on cattle drives!), and Bray and I celebrated our 14 year anniversary.

There were so many hard conversations as the world tipped over with pandemic sickness and death, racial injustice, and political instability. We also had lighter conversations over the summer as we baked and cooked our way through all our favorite chefs and swam and remodeled our backyard!

That was the biggest gift of all – and I still need to do a post on that oasis we’ve had this year. It became a respite for all of us as well as other family and friends.

Of course, in August and October, the double punch of Hurricane Laura and Hurricane Delta smashed into the incredible Vincent family farm. Laura was the most devastating, tearing apart generations old barns and wiping entire structures off the map. All of SW Louisiana was devastated, and my mother in law and father in law were not exempted. It’s been long months of rebuilding, and it will take many more months, but the main house is now livable and so many friends contributed to help the Vincents rebuild. It is slow work, but it will be done because that plot of land has been rebuilt over 10 generations.

Fall began to resemble normalcy otherwise. The kids were blessed to be able to return to in person school. Little bit ran cross country with junior high athletes and excelled. She can’t wait for track in the spring. The boys played 7-on-7 football and their team won the championship Tully Bowl. A big deal here in Houston and a great balm to the soul. Currently, little bit plays with the junior high basketball team and is loving it (this is far and away her favorite sport). The eldest made the junior high soccer team and is loving playing with his friends in a sport he hasn’t played in a few years. And the baby is warming up with one of his best pals for baseball tryouts.

Bray and I each celebrated another turn around the sun in our 40s, the kids turned 11 in the fall, and we are so grateful that each of our parents is with us and celebrating another year. I have missed seeing my father in Oklahoma especially but we are praying after he gets the vaccine and I get my treatments we can visit in person again!

Which of course leads us to the 2020 finale. I was diagnosed with breast cancer this month. God has been in the big and small details and I’m going to be treated at MD Anderson in the medical center and am so thankful we have such incredible resources available to us here in Houston.

My best friend sent me a song this morning, one I love, called Another in the Fire. There’s a line at the end of the song that says, I’ll count the joy come every battle, cause I know that’s where You’ll be.

There is such joy this season. There is such hope this season. There is such peace this season. We do not get it from the incredibly dark circumstances around us. We find it in the manger and we find it in the cross. We find it in knowing that we are not alone. “In all things God works for the good of those who love Him…” (Romans 8:28)

We wish you a very Merry Christmas and a 2021 filled with promise, love, joy and healing.

Love, The Vincents