Gindi Vincent

The Dish on Career, Fashion, Faith, and Family

Family

Hard Conversations: The Ugly Internet

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Yesterday, I talked about one of the hardest conversations we’ve been having as a family.  The one where we discuss racial injustice in our country. 

But it’s not the only hard conversation I’ve been having. 

This one, I haven’t had with the kids yet because, quite frankly, they are 10 and I have no idea how to have it. 

Bray and I have discussed for a number of years allowing the kids to have a phone in 6th grade (that’s just over a year away now), primarily to be able to reach us during after school sports practices and events.  No social media or data plans, simply a phone that enables contact. 

Let me start this particular hard conversation by saying I know parents are ALL over the map on this one.  In fact, there are very few issues where people are MORE all over the map than this one.  Some kids got phones in kindergarten and some didn’t ever get them.  This is a personal decision, and this is not a judgment zone, merely a seeking zone. 

The kids have long accepted this even though many of their friends (certainly the majority) got phones this past year.  One even commented to me on how useless the social media talk was at school because he knew he was never getting it.  (Ha!)

Now that we are approaching this period, I am talking to parents who have gone before me and seeing ways they have implemented protective rules and guidelines.  I have some ideas but I love hearing what has worked. 

I recently had one of those conversations with a mom of two teens.  I have known her a long time and she’s educated and involved with her kids.  But her question to me rocked me and I’ve been sitting with what’s next ever since. 

I told her we were delaying phones and then prohibiting social media for even longer.  She started talking about a free porn site where anyone can pull up images of porn on the internet regardless of your phone controls.  She suggested that if my kids hadn’t seen it yet, they surely would, as even if they didn’t have a phone, one of their friends would thrust it in their face. 

Then she said this, “You have to get to the point where you ask, do I want my kids to be popular or do I want to keep them from seeing porn?”

Let’s just sit with that question.

One I’m sure my parents friends never posed.

Let’s tackle the first bit. It has NEVER been a goal of our parenting to try to advance the kids popularity.  Both my husband and I were affirmatively unpopular and we survived.  Yes, it was painful, but we’re better humans for it (I like to think).

Our parenting goals are ambitious, but popularity is not on the list.  On the long list of parenting goals, we are seeking to build curiosity, a strong faith in Jesus, diverse interests, healthy practices, optimism, hard work, resilience, and a sense of love and security from their home base.

I want them to embrace their uniqueness and not feel compelled to conform.  That likely stands in direct opposition to popularity which feels a lot like an exercise in conformity. 

Further, in a world gone mad, whose priorities are utterly askew, I believe it could be incredibly challenging to “hang with the in crowd” and prioritize the actions Jesus compels us to take.

So, if we set the popularity piece aside, we are left with ready access to porn. 

And if not porn on their device, then porn shown from someone else’s device. 

So now what?

I do not know. 

I can tell you this – I do not want to have conversations about porn with my 10 year olds. 

I realize the ages of all these hard conversations are advancing, and we’ve had talks about boys and girls and babies and bodies and what God tells us and what science tells us every summer for three years.  Each summer, becoming progressively more informative as their maturing brains can process.

However, I’m in my 40s and cannot process porn, so I’m not sure how to tackle with children what’s out there electronically. 

Of course we have had safety conversations.  They are familiar with the concept of online predators.  But what about what just pops up? On the internet.  In movies.  In their ethos. 

And even if they don’t have data on their phones, we all know that they can get online with internet access most places now. 

So Bray and I have started this hard conversation with each other.  And then we’ll have it with the kids before they ever receive a phone. 

We are reading resources like Screenager about conversation starters and guardrails.  But I would welcome your insight.  You parents of teens who are a few years ahead of us on the road.  Within those conversation starters, whether on social media or here, I would ask for no judgment of other parents.  We’re all doing the best we can. 

On the spectrum, we are going to be at the stricter end.  If you’ve walked that path, and fought those fights, and had those hard conversations, I would love to learn. 

This is uncharted territory.  And it makes me sad.  Sad for innocence lost.  Sad to live in an age when there is so much BLECK thrust in our faces.  But we will chart this course and pray for wisdom.

Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me – put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:8-9

Easter 2020: The One In Quarantine

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It was a really good Easter. No dressing up, at least not much. No heading to church with the family. No big extended family Easter lunch.

And yet.

It was good.

I was pretty sad about the whole thing because I really love Easter. For us, and our faith, it’s the culmination of the whole story. The crescendo.

Plus, I often host our extended family or our friends and I cook and bake and love the house brimming with loved ones.

Saturday, I baked treats with the kids. And it actually turned out (you may recall my Easter endeavors don’t always -may I remind you of macaroni and cheese from scratch or other rice krispie efforts). We had a precious bunny butt cake, rice krispie eggs with jelly bean surprise, and sugar cookies.

A local club had a drive through Easter parade which we drove through to see the Easter bunny and receive Easter treats (I know our days are numbered on the kids enjoying this).

They walked the dog and swam and went on bike rides.

We woke up Sunday morning to Easter basket treats, sans basket, and they went on an Easter egg hunt as is our morning tradition.

Little bit negotiated a 27.5% purchased stake in the boys lemonade business which was absolutely a delight to watch (these negotiators, keep an eye out for them all).

We watched our church and some other church services as well.

I cried as I watched Andrea Bocelli perform solo at the Duomo. Especially his closing of Amazing Grace on the steps.

We had a big lunch and I tried out new recipes. Roasted turkey roulade and spiced carrots and lemon butter asparagus. My mom came and sat at the end of the table at a respectable distance but we weren’t going to have her eating lunch all by herself!

We took naps and colored Easter eggs and really enjoyed being together.

Easter was different. But we were so incredibly fortunate. We were together. We were healthy. As we said our prayers, we acknowledged what a rare gift it is to have a house and to have jobs and to have a refrigerator full of food. I’ve certainly been through holidays that didn’t have any of those.

So our quarantine Easter looked different, but it was good. These quieter days are reminding us what life could look like. What we should leave out when things go back to “normal.” What we should treasure. Where we should invest our energy.

The Vacation That We Had

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I wrote last week about the Spring Break vacation that we planned. I meant to write the next day about how it all actually unfolded. But, like anything during this time of coronavirus, plans are not to be followed. You just do your best, homeschool your kids, and work and cook (boy do you cook…).

We had a plan ready to depart for Phoenix on Saturday morning, March 14th. But things were evolving so quickly with the spread of the virus. Those folks that had Spring Break a week before us had an easier decision. Ours was hard.

So Bray and I sat in his office, on Friday the 13th, and went back and forth on whether to leave. Whether to catch our flight. Cancel the vacation. Drive. We were all over the map.

We decided to go. Aside from the plane, this was a very socially distant sort of a vacation. We had a VRBO rental house. We were going to visit national parks and wide open spaces.

I remain grateful we made that decision, even though vacation didn’t exactly follow the plan.

The flight, while full, was uneventful. We’d rented a mini van, which the kids heckled me about but it sure came in handy, and arrived at the house without a hiccup. It was fabulous.

A chalet with bits of snow flecks around it when we arrived and lots of snow around it when we left. A ping pong table and pool table which we put to good use, every day. A wooden deck overlooking tall trees with a hot tub and grill, all of which the Vincent family uses daily.

The vacation began as planned.

Sunday we spent a wonderful day in Sedona. We ate at Sedona Pizza after a trolley ride (we did not like the trolley ride all that much, and it was crowded which we were trying to avoid, but it was our best bet to see the Chapel of the Holy Cross which is a must see in Sedona). We hiked down through the creek/river to walk off our pizza and then stopped at the Black Cow from some ice cream.

We went on an amazing Broken Arrow Pink Jeep tour with a fabulous guide. He had us in stitches the whole time. It was just us and a family of three from Ohio so we enjoyed the privacy of the tour. The kids still say it was the best part of vacation. And you cannot beat the views. We got to get out and hike in parts of the red rocks you couldn’t access any other way.

We returned home to steaks and chicken and ping pong tournaments and hot tubbing. It was perfect.

But the news was darkening. And it looked like the National Parks might close at some point. So we bumped our Tuesday trip to Grand Canyon to Monday. This was an easy switch because we didn’t have any tours booked.

We drove up to the Grand Canyon’s south rim and spent the day there. We packed a picnic and ate lunch with a view. We visited the cool historic hotel and hiked around with ice cream cones. All of the museums and tour information areas closed that day so we spent the day outside but the weather was absolutely spectacular so it played in our favor. Parking was a nightmare but we’d planned to walk all day so walk we did.

We had downloaded the free fourth grade National Parks pass and really enjoyed getting to zip through the quick line with our free pass.

Since we’d swapped the Grand Canyon for Monday, on Tuesday we enjoyed the Out of Africa Wildlife Park just outside of Sedona in Camp Verde. It’s in the middle of nowhere and it wasn’t crowded but it gave the kids a chance to see a lot of amazing wild animals up close. The owners give animal talks, the Park also serves as an animal rescue for all sorts of animals, so we saw some interesting animals and learned new facts while getting to walk A LOT around the park on yet another gorgeous day. On our way home, we stopped and ate the West version of Mexican food (a hole in the wall on Route 66 – such fun), never realizing that would be our last time inside of a restaurant for who knows how long.

By the time we got home, the President was announcing orders to keep gatherings under 10 people and the health alerts were more ominous. This time, we decided we would have to change our plans.

We told the kids that we would head back, in the rental van, to Houston after our float trip on Wednesday. As you can imagine, there was a lot of protests and sadness. But the next leg of the trip would have taken us to a hotel in Utah, for our slot canyon and Zion National Park tour. We’d decided not to fly out of Las Vegas, so going even further from home wasn’t a good solution. Plus, it would put us in a hotel with other folks from around the country.

We considered driving to Albuquerque and flying from there, but ultimately chose to avoid the airports altogether.

On the upside, Wednesday was supposed to be a terrible weather day. Rain and potential sleet was forecasted for Lake Powell where our trip was scheduled to be. And yet. We had one more spectacular day.

We picked up our float trip in Page, Arizona. The large boats typically take 32 people out for a float through Glen Canyon but our boat had 11 people so we sat nowhere near the other two families. It was breathtaking. We started at the Glen Canyon dam and then spent the next three plus hours floating through gorgeous rocks and canyons on calm waters. We stopped and checked out ancient petroglyphs and the kids got to write their name in the sand.

By the time we returned, via bus, to our departure location, we had to hit the road. We’d packed lots of snacks and sandwiches for the 21 hour journey home (stocking up at the Flagstaff Wal Mart the night before).

We drove from Page, Arizona, to the four corners so the eldest could stand on four states at once (his treat for having to cut vacation short). HOWEVER, note for you travelers, Four Corners is actually a monument BEHIND a fence that closes at 5 pm and there is absolutely nothing around it. Not even a gas station. So by the time we got there around 7 pm, we could only gaze at the four corners spot behind the fence. He did get to step on two states, but alas, that did not cheer him.

We got as far as Famington, New Mexico Wednesday night before having to stop and spend the night at a little Hampton Inn. We woke up early Thursday and powered through our longest day. Poor Bray. He was driving in snow and sleet that morning but by the time we got to Albuquerque the weather had cleared.

We made it to Abilene and a Hilton Garden Inn. They had room service so we got to just crash. The kids played ball in the parking lot and we had some wine as our reward.

Friday, we were up again, and unfortunately some pretty bleak weather hit for most of the trip to the Houston airport. Bray drove this leg entirely by himself (I’d split up the trip the day before), and we were home, after picking up our car at the airport, by 2 pm.

The kids were amazing on the road trip. We’d stopped at a Barnes and Noble and they read so many books and they learned the fun of Mad Libs and they did iPad coloring pages and it was truly spectacular. Our airfare is held as a credit so we are still planning to hit Utah just as soon as we’re allowed to travel again. The only money we lost was one night stay in the hotel.

And the trip was a gift. We laughed. We connected. We saw some really spectacular country. We prayed. We ate and cooked and slept and hiked. They saw their parents work through some really hard decisions and they learned to adapt. Plus, now that we are on lockdown for an undefined period of time, it was an extraordinary gift to get to be out of our house just before being shut in.

I highly recommend the national park trip. Now, between Yosemite and Grand Canyon, these family vacations have been our favorites!

The Vacation That Was Planned

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Happy Thursday friends.

I kept meaning to blog about our Spring Break trip. But coronavirus…

I thought I’d write in two parts. Today, I thought I’d share about the vacation that we planned. Well, that I planned. Last July. When I couldn’t have fathomed what March 2020 would look like.

Then, in Part 2, I’ll write about the vacation that happened. Still very good. But different. Which is okay.

My sweet friend Sarah posted amazing pictures from Utah and Arizona last May from their nearly two week family vacation. I immediately reached out to her for her itinerary because I wanted to do what she did!

I stole from it liberally and it’s that itinerary I’m sharing with you in case you want to take your family to the Grand Canyon and Zion National Park.

We booked flights into Phoenix on the Saturday before Spring Break and out of Las Vegas the following Saturday.

From Saturday to Wednesday, we would stay in Flagstaff so we could hit Sedona and the Grand Canyon. Wednesday, we would relocate to Springdale, Utah to do those three days of activities. It was a fair amount of driving but I rented a minivan (much to my family’s ridicule), so they had space to spread out and play travel games and read books.

I absolutely loved our VRBO house. It was in a neighborhood but set back off the beaten path in all these tall trees. It had a pool table and ping pong table and a grill and a hot tub (whenever I look for a VRBO house, I require a grill and hot tube, it definitely narrows my options but my family loves it!).

We arrived about lunch time which gave us time to get to know the area, do our grocery shopping and settle in before the days ahead.

The remainder of the schedule looked like this:

Sunday – Sedona, ride the Sedona Trolley up to the Chapel of the Holy Cross, have lunch at Sedona Pizza and ice cream at Black Cow, and then take the Broken Arrow Pink Jeep tour (lots more on this fabulous tour tomorrow).

Monday – Hike Sedona or take the day and visit the Out of Africa Wildlife Park in Camp Verde (we ended up switch our Monday and Tuesday).

Tuesday – Spend the day in the Grand Canyon, hike the South Rim, take the south rim trail to El Tovar. I meant to make dinner reservations at El Tovar 60 days out like the recommend but forgot to and I’m glad we didn’t – it was nice to have no schedule this day. Also, I looked at the train ride into Grand Canyon, but after researching it, the landscape isn’t that great on the ride and it doesn’t actually take you around Grand Canyon only to Grand Canyon, so unless you just want your kids to experience a train I wouldn’t spend the money.

Wednesday – the long day! Clean and check out of the VRBO house, and pack lunches for the float trip. Drive the over 2 hours from Flagstaff to Page to go on the Lake Powell Wilderness River Adventure. This lets you see the dam, Lake Powell, and Glen Canyon. There are amazing slot canyons in Page too but I couldn’t make both things work because in the spring the float trip doesn’t depart until 10 am and you return at 3 pm.

This was sadly where our trip ended, but the remainder of the trip promised to be amazing. We would drive Wednesday night to Springdale and stay at the Desert Pearl Inn at the base of Zion National Park.

Thursday – We booked the Peek A Boo Slot Canyon Tour in Kenab through the Kanab Tour Company. You go four wheeling through gorgeous slot canyons over the afternoon.

Friday – Sticking with the highly recommended Kanab Tour Company, we booked a guided all day tour of Zion National Park.

Then on Saturday, we’d catch a noontime flight out of Las Vegas. A word of caution, rental cars are a lot more expensive if you drop them in a different location than you pick them up. Even with a corporate discount, the price was steep.

Because Spring Break is their peak season, I booked everything way in advance to ensure we got the lodging and tours we wanted for the days we wanted. There was tons of time built in for leisurely mornings (Wednesday and Saturday were our only early days) and there was lots of time for grilling out dinner and relaxing in the hot tub or playing a rousing game of ping pong.

We really did love our trip, but more on what happened in the next installment!

Homeschool: Day 1 Recap

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So. I’m finally getting around to writing about yesterday.

Day 1 of homeschool.

I might throw in highlights from Day 2, too.

It wasn’t bad.

Seriously. We’re all okay.

We did not remotely follow the schedule that I hung from our dining room chandelier.

Mainly because the teachers send their lesson plans the night before and it just doesn’t match.

But they are actually doing school from 8:30 to 3:30.

Of course there are bathroom breaks and lunch and we take a walk every day. Still, I think they are getting more school in at home than they do at school.

They take their time.

We learned pretty quickly that all three of them at the dining table wouldn’t work. I spanked one kid, for the first time ever, when he got into a fist fight with his sister at 9:30 am. Once that was over though, it was the only fight we had to contend with all day.

The eldest, who has always marched to the beat of his own drum, decided to set up school in Bray’s office. He evacuates once Bray comes home from work (he is actually still going to work, so I’m solo during the day). Him working in that space has turned out well. And little bit and the baby work together beautifully in the dining room.

I set up office at the kitchen table. It’s not perfect but it puts me mid point between the two classrooms. I’ve had to mute my line a few times when “moooommmmyyyy, I need you” comes out. For the most part though, I warn them when I go on a call and they respect it.

Mornings, of course, are quieter and better than afternoons. I know this will get old. At this time, they are giving homeschool good marks. Little bit did write a persuasive essay though on why real school is better than homeschool (ha!).

The lesson plans have been packed, which has been good for us, because I don’t have to develop curriculum. Our favorite item on Day 1 were the dot monsters they did for art class – what fun to get to watch them create. Another one of my favorites was watching them do their cursive homework – the assignment was to write three scripture verses in cursive. That’s little bit’s up there in the photos, how timely.

There are a lot of cool supplemental resources I planned to us, virtual tours and space reading and sketching with Mo Williams, that we just haven’t had time for yet because they’re putting in a solid 8 hours.

I cried twice today, even though I made it through Day 1 okay. Once, when the kids did a Zoom call for lunch with all their fourth grade classmates. It was loud and chaotic, but it just made me so sad that they’re missing out on their community.

As you may have picked up over the years, I’m big on community.

Next, each of their teachers called them and talked to them. When little bit was talking to her teacher, she said she’d gotten stuck on math. The precious teacher said well let’s just go through the problem. So they walked through a couple on the phone together and she got it down. I hate that they don’t have their teachers every day (and I know their teachers hate it too).

But you know, we’re doing okay.

We’re doing better than most, actually.

We are safe and healthy. We have food in our house and money in our checking account. I have a job that I can do from home and that keeps me busy. I have three fourth graders instead of three totally different grades and ages and stages.

They’re getting along better than they have in months, maybe years. They jumped into the swimming pool and though it still feels like ice to me it is 85 degrees outside so we have another outlet for their pent up energy.

We start the morning with devotionals which has always been a huge desire for me but I couldn’t do it before because I leave so early from my long work commute. Now, we do it every day. We pray for others. We pray for the world. And we always thank God for how fortunate we are.

Sure it’s chaotic and messy and imperfect, but I’m really present in the now and thankful for this time with my people.

Love to you all. Please drop me a note if we can be praying for you. We’d love to add your requests to our list.