Family

On The First Day of Sixth Grade

August 19, 2021 by Gindi Leave a Comment

You went to middle school today.

And even though this is the evening and you’re now home, I’m still processing it.

I have far fewer words of advice as you reach this stage. I’m confident I can do far less to help.

You are growing and able to do so much on your own.

More than just being able to cook and load the dishwasher and start a load of laundry. I’m thrilled you know how to do all that of course (even if you choose NOT to), but it’s the other stuff.

Navigating difficult conversations.

Making new people feel welcome.

Pushing past the really hard parts.

Figuring out which decision to make without me.

I’m still here. And available to encourage, advise, support, cheer, cry, whatever. But I see, even this week, that some of it is going to require your navigation.

Last night, when one of you was really sad and faced with some pressure and a hard decision, I said, I can’t make this decision for you. You’re going to have to make the choice. And if you decide this one thing, then you’re going to need to go have a conversation with an authority figure you respect. I’m here to let you cry and to support your decision, but this one, well it’s for you.

You’re no strangers to me liking to run things. Organizing things. Control things.

So on this first day of sixth grade, I’m working really hard too. I’m releasing some things. Things that I would do differently. Choices I would have made instead. One of you said this week, when we disagreed about which path to take on a middle school option, You can’t make me and I’m not going to do that.

You are right to stand up to me. And, maybe I don’t say it enough, you should trust yourself.

Of course you can’t make all the decisions. You’re growing and learning and you’ll probably do a million stupid things in the next three years. Lord knows I did. It’s hormones. Don’t worry. It can’t be helped, really.

But you, each of you, have good instincts. You know yourself. Trust your instincts. Make the choice that doesn’t feel easy if you know it’s the right one.

If though, I could offer you a piece of advice, make it out of strength not out of fear of failure.

Confidence can be hard to come by, especially in middle school. Everything is changing and insecurity is often the default.

If I push you, it is not because I’m trying to be a tyrant. (Well, most of the time.) I ask you WHY you are making that choice because I want you to learn to ask yourself that question.

Are you worried you’re not good enough? That maybe you’ll embarrass yourself? Are you worried someone won’t like you or you won’t fit in?

Then reevaluate your decision. These are not the reasons to say yes or no to a path.

On the other hand, does it fit you? Does it bring you joy? Are you passionate about it?

If you’re making choices because of these reasons, then you do it, go boldly, and fight me if I’m pushing you away from this. (You might have to remind me I said that.)

And before you make any decision, did you talk to God? Did you take the time to pray about it? Is this choice consistent with what you know God calls us to do?

Each of you is the most precious gift. I watched you walk into this school that I’m so utterly grateful that we have and I just felt proud.

I’m proud of all you have endured. The setbacks. The losses. I know there’s been cancer and COVID and hurricanes and floods in your lower school years. But you are resilient.

God was just showing off when He sent us you three. Really, it was audacious. I am still overwhelmed.

I love you.

You’re incredible.

Go blow middle school out of the water.

Love always and forever, Mom

The Great Bah-Habah Getaway

July 1, 2021 by Gindi Leave a Comment

I promised I would write about our gorgeous Bar Harbor, Maine vacation. (Otherwise known as Bah Habah up north…)

And I also have about a zillion posts running around in my head.

The one about 5^th grade graduation.

The one about summer.

Another one about friends.

I think I used so many words during cancer I ran out for a while.

So this week I’m working on all those backlogged posts and today is VACATION!

This is mainly logistics because so many of you mentioned you’re interested in taking a vacation to Maine. I HIGHLY recommend it. Bray and I honeymooned in Bar Harbor but it had been 15 years since we’d been back. A lot has changed.

First up: When to go?

We honeymooned in May and that was way too early because everything was closed. This time we went the first full week in June. It’s still a wee bit early. If I had to redo it, I’d do late June. Before the insane 4^th of July and after crowds (July and August are peak months), but it seems everything is open by Father’s Day.

Second up: How to go?

We wanted to show the kids Boston, so we flew roundtrip in and out of Boston. It’s a 4 ½ hour drive from Boston to Bar Harbor. It’s worth doing, but if you have the travel budget or air miles, I’d recommend flying in to Boston on the way up but flying back out of Bangor or Portland. We rented an SUV and you absolutely need a rental to get around Maine.

Third up: Where to stay?

There are plenty of inns, hotels, and B&Bs in the area but we are all about staying in a house. Especially when we are somewhere for a week. We found a gorgeous rental on the water, and the closer I am to the water the better off I feel. This is the rental where we stayed:

I have mixed feelings about it. Location was perfect. Nestled at the back of a dirt road right on the water with private steps to the beach (they’re rocky there) and a firepit where we could roast s’mores. There was also really good living space – open living room with a kitchen that looked out on the living space and water. But there were definitely drawbacks. There was no AC and it was VERY hot our first few days (recordbreaking, in the 90s). The laundry was in a dank basement, so I had to schlep all our clothes from the second story to the basement to wash. The “heated” pool was not very heated so even with high temps and sunny skies, thankfully, the water was quite cold. We had some problems with the hot water. All in all, I’m glad we had a nice big home on the water, but this particular spot was probably overpriced for what we got.

Fourth up: What do you do?

If you start in Boston, I highly recommend eating in the North End. We had an incredible dinner from Giacomo’s (it’s tiny, go early, bring cash). I thought the pastries from Mike’s were over-hyped, but maybe do it anyway. We did a Duck Tour – it was meh. I loved the one in DC. We had a blast at the Boston Tea Party museum and reenactment. Walk Freedom Trail.

Once in Bar Harbor, you can’t go without spending time at Acadia National Park. (Pro tip – kids are free in 4th grade and because of the pandemic they were free for 5th grade too so we got two years of free National Park admissions!) We loved it. There was so much good there. Among the things you must do at Acadia are:

Us and Cadillac Mountain – 15 years later

Make a reservation for Cadillac Mountain Road – they’re easy enough to get but you can’t go up and hike Cadillac Mountain without getting one. After hiking around Cadillac Mountain on Monday, we got another reservation for Friday so we could do it again.
Go to Sand Beach – it is a sand beach. I know, I know, so what. But the beaches in Maine are rocky and this is really beautiful. Set into the clefts of the rocks. Water is freezing but kids got in anyway.
Definitely walk Jordan Pond – I loved this area. So beautiful. And after you walk around the pond, which is not at all strenuous, then you go to Jordan Pond House. They’ve been around since the late 1800s and are known for their popovers and jam. Parking is insane near Jordan Pond so plan on going earlier in the day whenever you decide to visit so you can find parking. We had to try two days in a row.
Drive Park Loop Road and pull off when you see something interesting. It’s long, almost 30 miles, but has all sorts of cool stops like Thunder Hole, Otter Cliffs and Cove, and carriage roads.

In addition to Acadia, we ended up with several great outings throughout the week. We had such fun on our two hour LuLu Lobster Boat Ride with a lobsterman who taught us a lot about lobster and lobster fishing.

We saw the FIRST whale of the summer season when we went out on our Bar Harbor Whale Watching tour. It is long – we were on the water over five hours one afternoon in search for a whale. And if you get seasick, you probably will. (We had several folks throwing up on the catamaran.) We loved it though. Well three of the five of us loved it. Two of us tolerated it.

Diver Ed wasn’t open yet when we were there but we’ve heard rave reviews.

And the kids absolutely loved their day kayaking on Long Pond. It was gorgeous, rentals were reasonable through National Park Kayak Rentals, and there was even a spot to jump in and swim near where you launched at the south end. It’s WAY bigger than a pond.

Fifth up: RELAX. It’s gorgeous.

We really did unwind. It took a few days. Bray got sick the day before we left, just feeling generally crummy and wasn’t back to himself until Monday or Tuesday. Then to add insult to injury, the baby got an ear infection on Saturday so we spent Sunday morning in an urgent care getting checked out.

I was super grateful I had planned very little – each day was a design your own adventure. I listed our options and had only made reservations for the Duck Boat Tour in Boston, the Lobster Boat trip in Bar Harbor, and the Whale Watching. That let each of us do our own thing. For me, it was walking Jordan Pondan and having popovers. While for Bray, it was lobster at lunch and dinner (we made that happen for all but Monday’s lunch). For the kids, it was returning to Cadillac Mountain and Sand Beach, which we did on Friday. We definitely didn’t do everything, but we did a lot.

Watch sunsets on the water every night.

Laugh.

Build a fire. (You can do that in Maine in the summer.)

Avoid the freaky and painful browntail moth caterpillar. (That drops from trees. And sits on Adirondack chairs.)

Try something new.

Eat lobster. And ice cream. And don’t miss the Allagash white beer, on draft.

Play music outside.

Reset.

Day 20 – Last Friday

March 28, 2021 by Gindi Leave a Comment

This was my last Friday of radiation. I have three more days left.

I’m burned and tired but quickly approaching the conclusion of this leg of the journey.

If I hadn’t waited until the weekend to write this post, I had a whole bucket of thoughts for this little corner.

But my memory lasts about 5 minutes these days. Grab that thought and write it down or it’s gone.

So instead, I’ll say this weekend was good. Exhausting but good.

Little bit had her best pal over to play on Friday. Then the boys friends from down the street rode up and jumped into our icy pool. They’re insane. The girls just shook their heads at their antics.

Then the boys went to a baseball party while the girls laughed and ate their yummy Door Dash orders.

Saturday was LONG.

A huge win for the girls softball team on their first outing (largely due to a very inexperienced opponent, but still a fun start). An early outing at that – we had to arrive at the ball field by 7:30 am. Then we came home, I made a protein laden breakfast (which they ate very little of b/c of their early morning donuts!), and everyone changed. Bray took the boys to their baseball game and I was off with little bit to track.

The boys battled back from a 5-0 deficit to win the game 12-7. The baby alternates between pitcher and second or third base. The eldest usually plays first base with also serving as a relief pitcher. They lost their first game by one so this made them extraordinarily happy!

Meanwhile, I was with my little Road Runner. She’s a 5th grader competing against junior high kids. She had come in third in her 200 m race last meet. Then this meet she came in second in the 800 m and helped anchor two relay races.

I do not know where she gets it. A dear friend sent me the info for the Susan G Komen breast cancer 5k this year. It falls on the kids birthday and we’re going to run it together! So my little racer is going to have to start training her out of shape mom.

Today, the kids read the Lenten reading in church. What a joy to see them all dressed up together in church. Thankfully, because of a rainy day, everything else got canceled and we could decompress.

In other news, we booked our flights for our big summer vacation. I cannot wait!!! I actually booked this house in Bar Harbor Maine LAST summer! It’s on the water, right next to Acadia National Park and Bar Harbor.

We’ll fly into Boston on a Friday morning, spend 24 hours cramming all the the history in, and then drive up the coast. We have this gorgeous splurge of a house from Saturday to Saturday. We’re going whale watching and hiking Acadia and lobster fishing and we’re also doing a lot of nothing too. I couldn’t be more excited.

*If you have a fav thing to do in Boston or on Mount Desert Island in Maine, please send them my way.*

This trip will be a celebration. You see, in May 2006, 15 years ago, Bray and I did this same trip as our honeymoon. We’ve wanted to take the kids and now it will be a celebration of 15 years, their 5th grade graduation, him turning 50, and now even me being cancer free (an extra we didn’t know when the trip was planned!)!

A lot of good in store. I’m thankful.

Soup, Soup, and More Soup

January 19, 2021 by Gindi Leave a Comment

I love soup.

Oh how I love soup.

My kids wish I didn’t love soup so much. Because I could serve it for supper for days on end.

I have some favorite soups in my quiver already. I highly recommend almost all of Pioneer Woman’s soups, but most particularly I love her Veggie Chili (to which I add more veggies, you’ll see this as a theme), Hamburger Soup (which I sub out ground turkey, another theme), and also Half Baked Harvest soups (search for flavors or ingredients you love, and she’ll have a soup recipe, but avoid the tortellini ones).

I’ve also made a bunch of different butternut squash soups but I’d have to give you a bunch of recipes, as well as slow cooker tortilla soup and white bean chicken chili. I’m always open to try something new.

Thanks to social media, when I put out a call for soup recipes, I received A LOT. I have tried six. I’ll provide those for you below, along with the ones still on my radar to make this month.

Sadly, none of them blew me away. I don’t have one five star recipe to share. As a result, I need more! If you’ve got an award winning soup for me, bring it on!!!

The order of soup recipes below is the order in which I tried making it over the course of a two day weekend. I did freeze some in these cool souper cubes that my friend recommended and my stepmom promptly shipped me (mine are one cup). So we still have some chicken chili and carrot ginger soup for future chilly evenings.

With regard to some of my substitutions, I haven’t had beef or pork in over 25 years. So I always sub out beef with chicken or turkey. I will sometimes include a little bacon for flavor but that’s about it. No pork sausage or ground beef unless I’m cooking something for my family that I don’t intend to eat myself. I also always add more spice, including garlic, and veggies than the recipe calls for because it just makes it better!

Soup #1 – Cheeseburger Soup from the Recipe Critic, Three Stars

A couple friends recommended this as a big hit soup with the kids. I was hesitant because I tend not to like creamy based soup, unless it’s potato. Also, I love to be able to throw a bunch of veggies in mine and this wasn’t high on veggies. But I decided I’d give it a whirl. Pluses were the kids did love it, and ate seconds (rare for soup), and I love the idea of shredded carrots in soup. I hadn’t done that before. Otherwise, it was too heavy for me.

Soup #2 – Ina Garten’s Italian Wedding Soup, Three Stars

Ina! I’m so disappointed. This came highly recommended and I love Ina. Here were the problems. The soup didn’t have nearly enough flavor even though I added more spices than it called for. I did not care for the meatballs. The pasta soaked up all the broth.

I would make this again but I would do this differently. First, I would make Half Baked Harvest zucchini parmesan chicken meatballs, which if you follow me on the socials you know I’m totally obsessed with this recipe of hers. I would only pour the soup over the pasta instead of including the pasta in the soup itself to keep more juice. I would add even more spices to give it some depth of flavor. Maybe those better meatballs would fix that problem.

Soup #3 – Slow Cooker White Chicken Chili from The Real Food DRDs, Three and a Half Stars

This recipe was fine. I liked it fine (you can tell just fine because I basically forgot to take pictures until I was freezing it!). It’s just I’ve had a lot of chicken chili and I need more kick than this had. The coconut milk, which I hadn’t used before, didn’t bother us at all. It’s just that it was just okay. You would think with all of those spices it would have been great – I think it just needed more of all the spices and jalapeños. I like a little spice, especially in chili!

Soup #4 – Carrot Ginger Soup from Saveur, Four Stars

Okay, I loved the flavor in this soup. I love carrot, squash, sweet potato soups. But here’s the problem. It’s just not very filling. This makes an insane amount and it really needs to be served as a starter for a meal. It doesn’t make a meal. It was also a little thinner than I had hoped it would be. I followed the recipe very nearly exactly, which is rare for me. It is quite spicy because I did find Thai peppers and they have a heck of a kick. I do not understand the smoked sausage, it didn’t really add anything…

If you don’t like carrots or spice, this one isn’t for you. If you do, then you really need to serve it with a substantive salad or sandwich to make a meal. (And I love a soup that serves as the main course.)

Soup #5 – Sweet Potato Chicken Noodle from Damn Delicious, Four Stars plus a smidge

This was my favorite of all the soups I tried. The flavors were rich. We’ve been on a bit of a sweet potato kick (I just made another batch of Half Baked Harvest’s chipotle chicken sweet potatoes last night, YUM!). I added a little less spinach, because my kids. Other than that, the only edits I made were more of all the fresh spices, plus I subbed out chicken breasts, used two medium sweet potatoes, and added a bit more lemon juice and stock. This was super yummy and all five of us loved it and had seconds. The only reason I didn’t give it five stars is because it’s just not a Pioneer Woman veggie chili yet…

Soup #6 – Taco Soup from Pinterest, Four Stars

This soup is good. The only reason I’m not going nuts over it is because it is basically my Pioneer Woman veggie chili without the veggies. And I do love veggies in a pot. The revisions I made to the soup were using ground turkey instead of beef, using two cans of Rotel and one can of tomatoes instead of vice versa, and sautéing the turkey with onions and peppers. I need some veggies!

Also, I don’t use powdered spice mixes anymore because of the sodium. Since taco spices are just cumin, chili powder, paprika, and oregano with some salt, I added that in – I probably use cumin and chili powder more than any other spice. I do have some ranch seasoning in a shaker that I used a bit off because I like that buttermilk kick the powder gives. And I needed way more broth, mine was chicken, so it was probably close to three cups instead. I topped it with fresh cheddar and sour cream and everyone loved it. But next time, use veggies!

What’s On The Menu?

Here are the soups that are in the hopper for the month. I actually started my social media post because I was craving a GREAT potato soup. This is my ultimate comfort soup. I received this recommendation for a potato soup from The Whole Cook and I want to try it out. Also recommended was Healthy Zuppa Toscano, which I’m willing to try by subbing out the pork sausage for turkey, but I’m somewhat skeptical it is “bursting with flavor” unless I add a lot of my own spices which I don’t see appearing in their recipe.

Another option for potato is Damn Delicious’ chicken and potato chowder which looks promising but I think I’d need to add corn too. And then there was a recipe for pumpkin black bean soup which sounds so crazy but looks really good. There wasn’t a website link but the recipe calls for canned pumpkin, black beans, diced tomatoes, garlic, balsamic, red onion, garlic, and chicken broth. I know it sounds a little nutty but it’s really appealing to me. I’ll post on the socials if it works out.

Okay, that’s it from my little corner. Sound off on what soup you have to have and what I should add to this month’s list! And let me know if you make one of these and find a way to make it a part of the permanent soup rotation!

Positive

January 13, 2021 by Gindi 2 Comments

I was so angry.

Sad, too, but angry mostly.

This weekend, COVID positive hit our family.

While I was shocked, once I absorbed the news, I was pissed.

Excuse me, but I was.

Not any sort of holy angry but straight up “it’s not fair,” pity party anger.

We have been SO careful since my diagnosis.

We were always somewhat careful, no big travel, no parties, etc., but I mean lock down, hard core serious since December. We saw none of Bray’s siblings or the kids cousins. We went nowhere except for the farm where his parents were, who also had been absolutely nowhere. Bray had to still work but his job is primarily outdoors.

I flippin’ kept the kids home from school last week as a PRECAUTION so we would not catch COVID. I just needed to stay clear until February 4^th. (I’d love to never have it, but I realize with school and groceries, etc., there’s always the possibility.)

I railed on the phone to my two closest friends. I went to get tested, which came back negative, but that doctor recommended I move out to preserve my surgery date. The kids pediatrician recommended I move out to preserve my surgery date. Go into isolation to get to February 4^th.

I don’t know what planet medical recommendations come from sometime. They are done in the best and kindest way, but if you are a working mom of three who are having to homeschool because of COVID, what happens when the mom leaves the house? I help them with school. I cook three meals. Yes, they are 11 now, but they aren’t 16.

It just made me angrier.

And the brutal reality about COVID, which every one of you know by now, is that NO ONE CAN HELP!! I told my regular nanny not to come because I wasn’t about to expose anyone to this. My mom is high risk. One of my dear friends told me she would come over regardless. She’s a mom. I told her no way. She sent me pics of haz mat suits – she was willing 🙂 (A momentary laugh in a day of fury…)

I told my best friend I was angrier at these damn results than I was when I got the news about breast cancer. How do all these people travel around the country and see their families and not contract this stupid awful horrible thing but WE get exposed?!?!?! I was nothing more than a toddler throwing a tantrum that I didn’t get what I wanted.

But I’ll tell you this – if this whole cancer business was a test, one where I learn I can’t control everything, I wasn’t passing. Because I was doing a pretty good job controlling things. Working- check. Kids school – check. Right doctors and medical plan – check. You know what turned that mild sense of still having some control on its head? COVID.

If you don’t struggle with control, then you fully recognized long ago you’re on this life thing as a rider. You do the best you can but you have no control. But me, well I keep trying to “manage” it all.

Even regarding help. I kept telling everyone I didn’t need help, because I didn’t. But when this hit, we had some families offer to bring us dinner this week. For those of you who follow my social media, you knew I’d been on a soup kick (post coming tomorrow) so I was all set until today. So I finally accepted some generous offers to drop food. But then I felt guilty. I mean we have financial means and a Door Dash/Instacart app, who are we to accept people bringing us dinner?

It’s a vicious cycle this thinking you can manage it all by yourself.

I wrote this on Facebook on Monday, in a brief moment of leaning into my faith:

One of my dearest friends and fiercest prayer warriors was talking about Psalms yesterday.
I was sharing some of my favorites – ones with Bob Ross happy clouds in them.
She shared about a sermon her pastor taught on Psalm 88. The only one that ends without praise. A Psalm, he called it, for the clinically depressed. He preached on lament. She remembers she was tired of being sad.
I read it this morning. A Psalm 88 morning. I feel like we are on a rollercoaster. Good news which brings hope and then another blow.
David writes: I call to you, Lord, every day; I spread out my hands to you. Do you show your wonders to the dead? Do their spirits rise up and praise you? Is your love declared in the grave, your faithfulness in Destruction? Are your wonders known in the place of darkness, or your righteous deeds in the land of oblivion? But I cry to you for help, Lord; in the morning my prayer comes before you. Why, Lord, do you reject me and hide your face from me? Psalm 88
There’s no catchy joy at the end. No “I praise you for your wonders Lord!” But faith. You know. The substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
Another dear friend wrote this to me last night as I was sinking: This is where I always start when the world is spiraling – Heidelberg 1 baby: What is my ONLY comfort in life and in death? That I am not my own but belong, body and soul, in life and in death, to my faithful savior Jesus Christ. He watches over me in such a way that not a hair can fall from my head without the will of my father in heaven.
So, in case you are trapped in a Psalm 88 day, week, year… let’s just start with praying a simple catechism together, and remember all things work together.

I believe all of that. But I’m still sad and mad. And when we said our bedtime prayers Sunday night, the kids were shaking their fists and asking why. I told them to bring all of that to God. Trying to suppress what you really feel to “be presentable” to a God who knows anyways is no good. We’ll just keep reading through these Psalms. It reminds us that for centuries people have brought their suffering and loneliness and sinfulness and anger and sadness and frustration to God.

Sometimes, we can close those days in praise. Sometimes we can’t. I remember a happy clappy praise song we’d sing when I was a teenager, “We bring the sacrifice of praise into the house of the Lord… and we offer up to you, the sacrifices of thanksgiving.” I mean this could not BE a more cheerful sing-songy chorus. But as it ran through my head as I sat in the urgent care parking lot, I thought about how shallow a faith that is. The smiley-cheery sacrifice of praise? It should be a mournful dirge. On days like today, if you can muster up a closing prayer with praise, it is a huge sacrifice and it is done with pain and humility.

“Thank you God for all the ways you have provided. For the community of people surrounding us with help and prayer. For the house. For the stock of soups made before we’d know we need it. Thank you God for a way forward. For modern medicine. For friendships and the ability to learn still even from home…”

All true. But a sacrifice.

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