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Gindi Vincent

The Dish on Career, Fashion, Faith, and Family

friendship

Day 16 – Three Trees

March 22, 2021 by Gindi Leave a Comment

Credit: KFMB

I’ve written about friendship more times than I can count. Probably because one of the greatest gifts God has given me in this life is some phenomenal women.

I have a forest of these friendships. Large old redwoods where the roots go down so deep that the tree can’t be moved. Tall pine trees that aren’t as thick and deep as their sisters but have provided incredible shade and protection during this season. New fir trees that have brought unexpected joy and diversity.

This morning, in a matter of three hours, three trees encircled me exactly how I needed. A divine gift.

My emotions have been all over the map lately. But anger isn’t one that has crowded in much. Until last night. I got crazy angry. No one saw it. The worst of it, for sure. It kept me wide awake. I knew the anger was WAY out of proportion to the thing(s) I was angry about, but it completely submerged me.

I lay there late into the night asking God, please show me the heart of this anger. Help me understand why I’m having this emotion beyond what I should. Please take this away.

While I finally drifted off, I fell asleep with no answers and woke up with it sitting on my heart like a weight.

Right before I left for radiation, I received that incredible text above. From one of the oldest trees in my forest. She and I have been prayer partners for over 15 years and have seen each other in the highs and lows. She has so faithfully prayed me through this season that I could tangibly feel it.

This morning, when I responded to her gorgeous prayer with thankfulness, I explained what had happened. She responded with this:

If that is not the most perfect response, then I don’t even know what is. I could have cried.

Then. Tree Number Two shows up. I call her wailing about this ridiculous emotional battle. First, she showed insane empathy. She could teach a class. Then she explained how it happens to her. And then she got angry for me and let me let it go. (Even though she is going through SO MUCH this week – her own big battles!)

Finally, if it wasn’t extravagant enough to have these two gifts from God, tree three waves good morning. She and I start talking and she just gives me permission to feel HOWEVER I want but then to go lay it down with the Lord. Then she says she’s coming over to pray with me. Just driving over to pray me through the ick.

And so she does. She takes me to pick up my car at the service station to boot!

Today started hard. But God is so faithful to remind me I am one tree in a forest full of trees. If I feel the wind knocking me about, my roots are intertwined with all of these other trees to keep me upright. In an article entitled, How do Trees Work Together to Help Their Communities, the author writes:

Another way trees can share is by root grafting. This is a process in which roots of different trees grow in the same area, overlap, and physically fuse together. Trees of different species are even capable of fusing their roots together and turning the combined root structures into one massive underground circulatory system. All of this is pretty remarkable and explains how trees can share vital nutrients among one another even when they seem to be spread far apart from one another.

Incredibly thankful for all of the incredible trees who share their goodness in my life. I pray I return the favor.

Filed Under: Women Tagged With: friendship

Day 3 and 4 – The Adventures of Kristin and Gindi

March 4, 2021 by Gindi Leave a Comment

Okay, so this was supposed to be Day 3. But our adventure story was so long, even longer than what I have here, that I allowed it to be Day 3 and 4.

Before the cancer diagnosis, a few of my God-sized Dreams girlfriends had planned a trip to one’s beach house in Florida in February.  Of course, after the surgery was scheduled, I knew I wouldn’t be able to travel.  So my best friend offered to travel here to see me after surgery and suggested renting a beach house in Galveston.  I’d still get a little beach time and girl time to boot. 

Given the short time to plan and both of our busy schedules, I couldn’t believe it came together.  We found a gorgeous beach house for our adventure, and Kristin would arrive one week after my surgery for a long weekend in Galveston.  Arriving Feb 11th and leaving early on Monday, Feb 15th. 

Are you laughing already?

You are if you’re in Texas. 

My husband says February is the most unpredictable weather month for Texas.  But even so, we topped ourselves this time! 

She and her wonderful daughter arrived without a hitch (well, with some significant bumps…), but we had ominous weather warnings.  Nonetheless, after I got my drain removed at MD Anderson Friday morning, we packed up and headed south to Galveston to take in the ocean.  It was gray, raining and cold.  Not negative 40 Minnesota cold, which was what she left, but high 30s with rain and wind cold.  Unpleasant. 

Nonetheless, the girls enjoyed collecting shells on the beach and flying kites (K’s in 4th grade and L’s in 5th), for brief periods. Then returning to the cool house for hot cocoa and games.  The upside down game may have been my favorite. The videos are hysterical. Plus we got to belatedly celebrate Kristin’s birthday and treat the girls to Starbucks and Chic Fil A in town. 

By Saturday night, all of Texas was in near hysteria mode. I wish I had video of the newscast.  So Kristin made the decision to delay her Monday morning flight to Tuesday afternoon.  We figured that a 3 pm flight would be late enough to allow the ice to clear from our Texas roads.  After hours on hold with Delta, she got through and made the switch! 

Yea, an extra day with my best friend.

Not so fast. (Especially for Kristin!)

We stocked up on groceries in Galveston, having heard Houston shelves were already going bare, and we headed home on Sunday.  We’d gotten some rest, laughed a ton, and they had lots of shells to return with stowed in luggage. 

Little did we know that on Sunday the adventure was just beginning.  By Sunday lunchtime, they had been in Houston just over 60 hours. They weren’t even half way there yet. 

The girls, with lots of help from Kristin, made these fuzzy dogs, we roasted smores over our stove, and we watched t.v.  We all still were relatively optimistic – about making it through the storm and Kristin’s return flight. 

Monday morning, we woke to a winter wonderland.  Snow covered the entire neighborhood.  Because there was a thin layer of ice under the snow, according to reports, the girls played outside in the largely untouched whiteness.  Reports came in of power outages across the state, but particularly in Houston.  We felt so fortunate to be able to snuggle in our warm house, watching tv, calling family, while the girls played games. 

Until 5 pm. 

Power out. 

Bray and the boys were at the ranch and unable to return home until Tuesday, at best, so Kristin and I started navigating the situation.  He told us over the phone what nozzles and handles to switch and turn.  We got our very out of shape natural gas fireplace going.  Because I have a gas stove, we were able to warm food stovetop. 

For the girls, it was still a bit of an exciting adventure.  Lamps and fireplaces in the chilly dark.  For Kristin and I, it meant less sleep and more concern.  Meanwhile Delta canceled her Tuesday flight.  (Kristin – when did this happen? Everything from Monday to Wednesday is a blur. I think they canceled it Tuesday morning, but maybe I’m wrong… I’m going with that story line.)

Tuesday we woke up to a very cold house.  We didn’t keep the fireplace on overnight for safety reasons. The hallway thermostat read 42 or 52 degrees – I honestly can’t remember when it hit what. 

You can see the adventure gets blurry.  Tuesday is a complete blur.  No power. Very little water, some faucets still had a small trickle.  We’d filled up the bathtub and had water bottles but we were careful. 

To add insult to injury, after the no power/water hiccup, we lost cell service.  We could not talk or text from my house.  We drove to a grocery store parking lot a few minutes away to get a signal. The first place we could find one. Mind you, we didn’t go in the grocery store because all the shelves were empty. 

Kristin commented on the insanity.  No power. No water. No cell service. No food.  Where are we?

And if in fact I am right and her flight was canceled Tuesday morning, then it explains why, after being on hold with Delta for HOURS, the agent could not hear Kristin’s voice after coming on the line, so she was utterly unable to communicate with the airline.  They sent an email saying she would fly out on Thursday. We just went with that and hoped for the best.

Also, WHAT A FREAKIN’ TROOPER. 

Tuesday night: reinforcements. 

Bray and the boys arrived with a heater, big old school lanterns, and fresh water.  They’d picked their way from Refugio to Houston carefully and made it shortly after dark. 

Good news, bad news.  Good news: We would be warmer and more hydrated. Bad news: we went from four people in the living room huddled together to seven people.  Two of those seven were 11 year old boys.  Loud and physical 11 year old boys. 

Ah, just what you bargained for, eh Kristin? Come see your friend post-surgery and get TRAPPED IN HELL FROZEN OVER!

Wednesday improved, other than the fact that Kristin’s family was suffering without her.  Power came back from 10 am to 6 pm and then again at 11 pm, when it then stayed on.  We were able to eat, warm up the house, and even play outside because finally THERE WAS SUN!  I live in a sunny place.  It was not sunny during her trip. 

And of course, right after we had fixed dinner and invited neighbors over who didn’t have power, the power dropped again.  Fortunately this time, it was only until evening.  Then we were able to go sleep in rooms, in beds. 

Poor Kristin and her daughter had no SHOWER access though.  We warmed kettles of water and put them in a bucket in the shower and they sponged off so they wouldn’t be a wreck on the plane.  Good night nurse! 

Well, finally, after ALL OF THAT, I actually drove her and her mini me to the airport Thursday morning.  Unbelievably, there was still ice on the road even though there hadn’t been precipitation in three days and there had been sun. 

She and I firmly agree we need a new vacation.  One free of stress and drama.  Not my trip to Minnesota for a funeral and then running from a blizzard, and not her trip to Texas for cancer and then running from a winterpocalypse. 

Just she and I.  On a beach.  Not in winter or hurricane season. 

This is also our retirement plan.  Regular meet ups on a travel neutral beach outside of major storm seasons.  We’ll laugh too loud and wear bright swimsuits and crazy sunglasses and eat dinner at the senior special shrimp house down the road.  Our husbands will be able to tolerate us because we take the crazy to each other. 

Until then, any Kristin and Gindi adventure is better than none.  (And we may allow our daughters to come every other time.) I’m inexpressibly grateful she was able to come. She helped so much and she also was there to care for little bit and I during the power outage when we would have been alone. Nonetheless, I think we’ve both earned a drama free trip to some place fantastic!

Filed Under: Women Tagged With: adventure, friendship

The Gift of Friendship

December 19, 2017 by Gindi Leave a Comment

I’ve had so much to blog about. But how are you guys juggling all the things this holiday season?

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving at my sister in law’s house.

We’ve enjoyed the kid church musical and the kids’ school Christmas program and the end of school parties and a dozen other things I might write about while I’m off of work next week.

Today though, I had to write about this past weekend.

This Christmas gift of friendship.

In January 2013, Holley Gerth launched a book called God-sided Dreams. As a part of that launch, before “launch teams” were a thing in the book world, she pulled together 99 women from across America.

One of those women lived in Minnesota: Kristin Smith.  Little did I know nearly five years ago she would become like the sister I never had.

Well, Kristin came (back) to Houston with her amazing daughter on Friday. We’d been trying to get together for over a year.  For a couple of years we’d managed to see each other twice a year but now we were approaching TWO years with no in-person visits.

This summer, when I found out Sleeping Beauty, the musical (more on that craziness to come), would arrive in Houston in December, I called Kristin to see if we could make a mother-daughter weekend out of it. She got the green light from her hubby and plane tickets were booked IN JULY.

Oh, the waiting.

Finally, after months, they arrived. I have no photos from the airport reunion because there was too much hugging and chatting.  But my little bit had made her little bit a big welcome and birthday sign and we’d tied balloons to the neon pink poster.

Kristin warned me her daughter was shy and might take a while to warm up. My little bit is shy too, so I had no idea how the girls would do.  But without an ounce of prodding, they buckled up in the back seat and began gabbing like they’d known each other for years.  Kristin and I didn’t even try to interrupt.  By the time we arrived at the Mexican food restaurant for dinner (because she came to TEXAS, so of course!), the girls were fast friends.

In fact, even though I’d set both our guests up in the extra bedroom, by Saturday Kristin’s daughter opted to stay sleep-over style in my similarly horse obsessed daughter’s room!

The weekend was perfect.

Not because of any one thing or one event but because Kristin was here.

We did do a bunch of fun stuff: the Houston Ballet Nutcracker, Sleeping Beauty, American Girl store…

While we all four enjoyed those events (except maybe a little less Sleeping Beauty – it was not at all what it was billed as – far more adult lines of dialogue with tons of Houston humor which isn’t funny if you live in Minnesota!), it was the other moments I treasure most.

Saturday morning, after a pancake breakfast at home, the girls rolled and cut and baked Christmas cookies. Kristin and I got to gab and the girls had us in stitches.  They are FUNNY!

Sunday night, we decorated cookies and looked at Christmas lights with my dear Houston friend, Cathryn, and her daughter who is also the same age.

Sunday afternoon, Kristin sat across from me at the kitchen table and we talked about everything while the girls ran around playing with their AG dogs (that’s right, dogs NOT dolls) and balloons.

Monday morning the girls decorated gingerbread houses. We sat and talked more.  For extra fun, one of the boys arrived home with Bray Sunday night, so he wanted in on the decorating.  However, I’d not accounted for him when I bought the two kits.  Undeterred, he built a house out of grahams and decorated it along with the leftover Christmas cookies.

Kristin’s daughter had nearly as much fun playing with him Monday as she did playing with little bit.

It was all I could do to hold it together when I dropped these two girls at the airport. I am tremendously grateful that Voxer allows us to talk everyday.  (In fact, Kristin’s daughter asked: Do you call my mom every day?  Yes, I replied, I call her every day.  We probably talk three or four times a day, thanks to Voxer.)  Still, there is nothing like being together in person.

I am overwhelmingly grateful to our husbands who managed all our boys (she has two at home just like I do) so we could have “in real life” time.

Little bit and I are already planning a 2018 adventure to Minnesota.

There is ever so much I am thankful for this Christmas, but high on that list is the gift of friendship and a weekend with Kristin and our daughters.
(Plus, I told Kristin, if they become good friends, they’ll wheel us in our wheelchairs to see each other when we’re old!)

Filed Under: Women Tagged With: friendship

Family Friends

March 30, 2017 by Gindi Leave a Comment

For our entire married life, Bray and I didn’t have couple friends, or family friends once the kids came.  We always had very different interests.  I’m more of a movies, art, theatre, travel girl.  He’s more of a tractor, rancher, hunter boy.  The back of our newlywed Thank You notes read, in small print, John Deere Republican, Urbanite Democrat, Newlyweds.

Then came triplets.  We met a few families with multiples but, as you might imagine, life with young triplets and two careers doesn’t lend itself to get-togethers.  At the time, the only commonality we had when “family” play dates did happen were multiples.

Then the kids moved to a new school this year.

The weirdest thing started happening.  We started making “family friends.”  Part of it might be the kids getting older or us engaging more. Part may have been we no longer had a nanny running back and forth to the school.  But a big part of it was God.

We started meeting the moms and dads of our kids closest friends.  Moms I adored hanging out with while the kids jumped on the trampoline.  Dads Bray could talk to for hours about hunting and fishing while frying fish for an impromptu dinner.  We were given friends inside and outside the walls of our school.  Mommas who were working long hours and still trying to make birthday parties perfect.  Dads who had lost their jobs and were casting about for what was next.  We had divorced friends and married friends. Friends with only children and friends with multiple children.  Friends who’d lived in Texas their whole life and friends who were new transplants from overseas.

Most of all, we made friends willing to open their arms and their doors.  And so we did the same.  We invited families into our messy home with carpet stains and Legos strewn about and art paperwork piled high on the bar (dude – the amount of first grade art from triplets!?!?).

I mentioned yesterday I’m part of a launch team for Lisa Jo Baker’s new book, Never Unfriended.  She writes about exactly where I found myself at the beginning of this year: For many of us women, I think our craving for connection is in direct conflict with our obsession with perfection… That standard of entertaining means that we’ll be too busy cleaning and prepping to remember that friendship works best when we show up just the way we are… Because friendship shouldn’t equal entertaining. It starts with our willingness to open the door whether we’re prepared or not… Friendship teaches us that perfect is rarely as interesting and never as satisfying as real.  Never Unfriended, Chapter 8.

I began craving connection more than perfection.  I needed more in real life friends for our whole family.  People who made all five of us feel welcome.

So…we found families.  We invite each other over.  We make plans but we also just show up sometimes.  Whether it’s us having folks over for dinner and play dates or them hosting acting classes and end of season parties.  Most of the time, it’s messy.  Our lives are busy and messy and, so far, we’re all being pretty honest about that.  But it feels like I have a local tribe now.  Men and women and kids who are all doing life together.

As a blogger, I’ve had this extended tribe of women around the country for sometime.  But I’d prayed for families we could do life with.  Ones who wanted to raise their kids with some of the same basic values so we felt comfortable swapping each other’s littles after school or meeting up for pizza on Saturday nights.

Lisa Jo says, “Maybe the most intimate radical thing we can do for our friends is to show up.”

That can be hard to do these days.

We are all so busy.  And your kid is in karate and mine is in gymnastics and you have baseball tonight and I’ve got the spring musical this weekend.  You’re out-of-town for work and my husband is gone this weekend.

Boy, it’s hard to find time to show up.  But nothing beats it.  And I’ve learned that firsthand this year as God has gifted us with these amazing families with whom we can carve out memories.

Filed Under: Women Tagged With: friendship

Friendship Freedom

March 29, 2017 by Gindi 1 Comment

I have all these posts bottled up about friendship from the past few weeks.  One, because I’m on a book launch team for Never Unfriended (which launches next week!), so it’s on my mind as I turn the pages.  Two, because I’m overwhelmed with gratitude by the new family friendships our family has formed at the kids new school this year.  Three, because so many friendships have been in transition.  Stages of life can mean some close friends are further away while other are closer than ever.

So I’m capturing a few of my thoughts on friendships over the next couple days.  From the gift of friendship to how we stress ourselves out over friendships.

I recently had this friendship stress experience with a dear friend.  Lisa Jo explains in her new book these fears of being hurt can come from a friendship bomb (a rupture) earlier in our life.  Then, in future relationships, we start to see bombs where they no longer exist.  She shares:

I constantly interpret someone’s feelings about a situation as their feelings about me. When a friend is frustrated about something and they share that frustration with me, I’m quick to osmosis that into a sense of frustration directed at me… Whatever the relationship baggage you’re carrying on behalf of someone else, it’s okay for you to drop it.  It’s okay for you to stop taking all the weight of someone else’s brokenness onto your own shoulders. Whether you inherited it from a parent, a sibling, or a friend. Whether it’s people-pleasing or perfectionism, whether it’s control or learned hiding or any of the devastating host of  behaviors we learn in order to protect ourselves from hurtful relationships.  Never Unfriended, Chapter 1

I’ve done this for years.  I would see someone upset and wonder if I had done something wrong.  A call would come, and I’d immediately jump to a panic about whether my job or my relationship or any number of other things was in jeopardy.  I’ve improved.  Then I saw the same reaction in a close friend.

I was struggling with a situation.  Nothing could be done about it, but my frustration and exhaustion had worn me thin and I’m sure my demeanor was less than cheery.  My friend worried, “I hope it’s nothing I’ve done.  I hope I’m not bothering you…” I can assure you, she’s awesome.  My stress came from another set of circumstances entirely.  The situation was less than ideal, but there was no reason for my friend to take responsibility.  Even later in the week, she checked to make sure our friendship was in tact.

This is often what we do in relationships.  I’m sure you’ve seen it play out if you’re married too.  My husband will have a bad day, and I’ll wonder if I did something that upset him.  His state of mind will be entirely unrelated to me, but I will worry nonetheless.  The great thing about marriage is that, typically, the man isn’t sitting around worried if our state of mind is caused by his behavior (even if he should be!).  But with female relationships, each with their own past friendship baggage, we can worry ourselves sick.

We all mess up.  We’ve all hurt friends.  Some of those friendships have made it, after talking and forgiveness, and some have fallen away.

We ask for forgiveness.  We grant it.  And we move forward.  Not taking on every friend’s emotions as our own personal responsibility.  I love my friends.  I hurt when they hurt.  When friends struggle, I cry and pray, and when friends rejoice, I celebrate and turn up the music.  But I’m learning, I can’t take responsibility for their emotional state and I have to make sure they know they are not responsible for mine.

One of the biggest gifts God has given me, which I’ll share more about tomorrow, is amazing friends.  I do not, at this stage of my life, take any one of them for granted.  With our busy jobs and families and activities, friendships are a precious commodity.  They can be hard to preserve.  We have to guard each other like treasure.  We also have to give ourselves, and our friends, the freedom of letting go of the baggage of friendships-past so they don’t bomb our current relationships.

After that, we just have to find more time for each other!

Filed Under: Women Tagged With: friendship

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