I know you didn’t miss this, but the kids started Pre-K 3 at big kid school a couple of weeks ago. It’s been an adjustment for everyone, momma included. Five days a week. Oh I’ve really questioned in the past few days whether I jumped into that choice too soon. I have weekly questioned the teacher about an assortment of reports I’ve gotten from the kids including lunch mix-ups and playground bullies. I should know by now though that every three year old story has a back story. However, it’s the innocuous show-and-tell that has me most bothered.
What started the conversation was the youngest’s comment that, “no one clapped for me at show and tell mommy.” Well, I nearly passed out from the heartbreak. He said it so sadly. While the other two said the children clapped for them, I later found out from the teacher (because you KNOW this momma bear fired off an email that night!) that the class doesn’t applaud the children that stand up to share during show and tell. (Maybe they SHOULD!)
However, after we got that cleared up, albeit not perfectly, the boys went on to share that one of the boys showed a really cool big truck that drove around and made noises. At least that’s what I could glean from their retelling – one of the boys had a fancy toy. Fancier than our toys. We brought basic toys to show and tell. One child took a car, one took a truck and a toy cow, and little bit took her baby doll. No sound effects. Nothing electronic. Probably nothing much different that you’d see in a 1960s show and tell. Their favorite toys.
But what do you do when everyone is not taking baby dolls and push trucks but iPads and remote controls? One of my girlfriends says it’s just part of being in school today and that I’ll get used to it and shouldn’t worry too much about it and, in fact, that it only gets worse as the kids get a little older.
Then it hit me. We’re going to lose this. We’re going to see the ugly green monster soon. All this time of avoiding dramatic materialism by limiting television and not seeing commercials and buying simple toys at birthdays and Christmases is going to evaporate with a year of Pre-K 3 show and tell.
Show and tell is a lovely idea. It allows the children to share with one another and get to know each other’s interests. It teaches the children to be comfortable with public speaking early on in their life. I’m not the show-and-tell Scrooge. Well, not entirely. But what do we do about this, moms? Is there something we can do?
I mean, of course, we’re teaching our children what is true and real and meaningful in our daily lives and our faith. That’s a little intangible at three years old, though, don’t you think? How do we explain that it is NOT about which kids has the fanciest toy at show and tell? How do we instill in them early that even if the kid with the fanciest toys makes more friends that is still not the benchmark of success or goodness or value?
I don’t offer what we do – I ask. Our family highlights how fortunate we are that we even have toys and a house to put them in since so many children do not have such blessings. In fact, we share, some children don’t even have food for dinner at night. We acknowledge how grateful we are for the family and friends and material blessings God has entrusted us with during our bedtime prayers every night.
I also realize that peer pressure, even in preschool, is a real thing. We’ve already had the conversation in two weeks about a mean bully, a kid with more than them, and a girl who no longer wanted to be friends. It’s time for me to bone up on how to combat these real heartbreaks, confrontations, and temptations that my kids are about to be faced with for the rest of their lives. And no amount of crying over loss of innocence will adequately prepare me, or them. So how do we teach it’s not about who has the best show and tell? And if it’s our kid that has the “good” show and tell, how do we teach that everyone’s offering is a treasure in their eyes and should be treated as such? Because it’s always going to be a show and tell from here on out. Unless we change things.
I know it’s sad. We do the best we can, but they learn so much at school from the other kids it’s hard to protect them the way we want to. And it starts to early!!! I’ve had to learn to be firm about our convictions and not to give into the peer pressure of giving our kids certain things or doing things a certain way just bc other families do things differently. Parenting is so hard! I feel your pain, but hang tough, you’ve got this!
SO hard Alecia – I don’t know if I’ve got this, but I’ll trust God’s got it 🙂
Just curious, if the classmates don’t applaud the kids that stand up to do show and tell, when do they applaud? When they’re sitting down? And if the school has stated the purpose for show and tell to be what you mentioned (learning speaking skills, etc), then clapping should also be taught because that would be the polite thing to do at some kind of public forum. What a frustrating situation!
A pet peeve of mine with public school is that at times there’s little communication with the parent and yet it’s clearly something that’s a plan. For example, in 1st grade, Sam was supposed to read 1 book for 30 minutes every night. Well, those books take about 1-2 minutes to read, so we were supposed to hear the same book 15-20 times. Ugh! And she was supposed to do this 5 nights in a row…the same book!! Obviously, Sam was bored out of her mind (not to mention her parents), and there was no explanation as to WHY we were doing this.
I’m finding that while there are some things going on in society or school that I need to take a stand on, most are not. Most are just showing me the glimpses of the character I need to be build in my child so he or she’s ready for the hard stuff. As pointless as reading the same book over and over seems, she’s going to have harder challenges by future teachers (and God Himself) that will seem ludicrous…she’ll need to learn to do those things anyway.
I agree very much with “show and tell…really”? But aren’t you glad that’s where you learned it’s going to challenge how you’ve been raising your children instead of some other more overtly negative way (like other kids talking about Miley Cyrus)? It’s a great opportunity to start openly teaching your children why you’ve chosen less screen time and certain toys.
The way I’m talking is making it sound like I’ve figured it out, and I don’t mean to sound that way. Just thinking about things I’m having to tell my bigger kids about why or why we don’t do certain things. I realize the more natural I make a “not” the more they accept it. If I make a big ordeal about not seeing a certain movie or getting a video game then it becomes a whole thing. But if I casually say, we’ll that’s PG-13, then it’s just how it is so why are we even discussing it?
Another beautiful thing that can be taught in situations like this one is how siblings care for each other. One of the biggest ways my kids can get in trouble is if they’re out playing, someone gets their feelings hurt, and the other didn’t try to help. Obviously, at 3 your kids are WAY too young to understand this or be held responsible, but it’s a chance to start the conversation. How great would it be if at the next show and tell, your youngest says, “My brother and sister clapped for me”? I try to foster sibling encouragement not only because it’s good for them to respect each other, but also because it’s the training ground for how they will treat future peers.
Mostly, I just hope your little guy has healed from this…I hope it was a day of disappointment and not a lasting feeling. And by all means encourage that boy left and right because it sounds like his love language is words of affirmation.
Can I just say amen to all of this? Yes, I know on the applause, and on the communication, and on the sibling support for one another. At least they have each other in the same classroom right now for support – they won’t always have that. This one is just so super sensitive, that I’m going to have to work especially hard.
I’ve so be there with our kids too. It’s hard. I can’t even count how many times I’ve said, “Well, different families do things different ways.” It applies to toys. And TV time. And electronics. And food. And ANYTHING.
Sort of related, my son was the “leader” in his class on Wednesday so he got to bring something to share. (They just bring something when it’s their day.) So he took a baseball he got from the bullpen at a MLB game a couple weeks ago. He’s slept with it every night since … and now he and his teacher are having trouble finding the ball. I really hope it surfaces when he’s at school tomorrow.
I think that’s the key – we just do things differently! (And I’m worried about the losing thing too – they always want to take their favorite items!!!)