Lots of folks do “word of the year” selections at the outset of the new year. I’ve decided we’re doing a FAMILY word of the year and it’s RESPECT!
The triplets are now seven. They are good kids. They get good grades (at the ever challenging first grade, hahaha) and receive warm remarks from teachers and parents outside our home.
HOWEVER…it’s a different story at home.
An ever increasingly challenging story at home.
Bray and I have watched with frustration and despair at the sass and disagreement and general disrespect they are showing more towards us and also toward one another (and even relatives).
If I had said “no” in response to my mom, I would have gotten smacked. We’re not a “smack you” house, so I’ve tried an assortment of “we’re taking away this privilege” or “go to your room” or what-have-you in response to the attitude. It has not been effective. Plus, I readily admit, I am softer on punishment than their daddy is which makes me a particular target of the attitudes because they know they get away with more.
It’s going to stop! Or at least it’s going to slow.
The first line of attack is our family focus word for 2017: RESPECT.
I went over the plan on our way home from the farm on Monday. This year, we are going to focus on respect. Respect for your parents, respect for one another, and respect for all people in general. That means, you don’t get to respond with NO when we give you instruction. You don’t get to trash talk each other. You can ask questions but you can not roll your eyes, talk as though your fed up or bored, interrupt, or react defiantly.
We are setting up a 2017 word recognition board to identify when the behaviors are bad as well as when they are good. But I am still struggling with the appropriate reaction or disciplinary device(s). It’s obviously going to be a sliding scale based on the degree of behavior, but my biggest pet peeve is when one of us make a statement (“turn off the t.v., brush your teeth, go to bed now…”) and the response is NO.
Y’all, I’m not kidding. They look at me and say no. (My word for the year may have to be self-control.)
What do you parents do???
I’ve read lots of advice: ignore the attention seeking behavior (this is not always possible and doesn’t get them to do what they are supposed to), take away a privilege (which we do to minimal effect), state your limits and walk away (again, um, not exactly getting them to bed), avoid power struggles, coach your kids, yadayadayada.
But I want to hear from you personally. As your kids got older, and they began with disrespectful behavior or defiant attitudes, what was most effective? I fully recognize it’s different from child to child. My daughter takes discipline very seriously, and she’s growing some sass on her, while discipline seems to spur the baby into worse behavior.
I know particularly critical, on the parenting front, is to be respectful ourselves, even when dealing with the behavior. So I have to improve there. I also have to make sure I’m acting respectfully so they can model good behavior. But until they become angelic beings, I need some respectful kids tips.
So sound off my parenting friends – how do we make our 2017 Respect Rule work this year?