Change of Plans

I am a planner. 

This weekend I had a change of plans. 

Not a change of a plan.  But plans. 

I had a plan for every bit of this weekend on Wednesday and an allocation of how it was all going to play out with transport and hand offs and windows for the work that needed to get done too. 

Friday afternoon, the boys were going to fish with a friend for his birthday and then go to dinner, where the rest of us would join them.  Saturday morning was little bit’s last meet, but it was far from our house, so Bray would need to get the boys to the warm up for their football game.  I’d run through a drive though to get little bit food and then go to their game.  We had a few errands Saturday afternoon we’d need to run before the Saturday evening drive in movie and dinner we had on tap. 

Sunday I needed to be at church, then the boys football practice, then get some baking done, and get the kids into costume for our church’s drive by Trunk or Treat, immediately followed by hamburgers in a neighbor’s backyard.

Whew! 

A lot. 

Way more than usual, but lots fun, so I wanted to make sure it could happen. 

Until it didn’t. 

And it’s okay. 

2020 didn’t happen like we planned, friends. 

There are days that are so utterly and completely overwhelming we find ourselves crying our eyes out to our best friends.  That happened with my dear crew today.  It is so much.  It’s not one individual thing, it’s just the cumulative impact of all the things, so that one small thing like weather or a change in plans derails us entirely.

Especially moms.  Maybe everyone, but I’m having a lot of experience with derailed mommas. 

We have been pushed to the very edge, and we super-competent, organized, planning, efficient, successful, job-kid-spouse juggling heroes have been taken down. 

But this weekend, God used it.  He used every ounce of the change to reframe my focus.  I found myself grateful in the unknown.  Maybe not on Friday when it was REALLY unknown and all in the air, but I got there. 

Thursday evening, we had the gift of having my mother in law with us through Sunday.  Since the farm’s devastation, Bray and his siblings have been asking her to spend some time with us because it’s all still so destroyed in Louisiana.  She is beautiful and artistic and her memory has been failing her.  We are very grateful when we can host her. 

Then Friday, the boys friend had a teammate whose family member tested positive for COVID, so the fishing and dinner was postponed.  Which just meant our family got to order dinner in and eat in our beautiful backyard oasis and watch the cool front blow in.  Literally watch God bring the cool air in with the wind.  Goose bumps.  There are days you feel like you can see Him. 

Saturday, my father in law brought some cows from the farm into town so Bray could drive them to the ranch.  So Bray left, and I made it back from Lillie’s meet in time for the boys football drop off, and we had the gift of having both my in laws with us.  That of course meant no drive in movie and no church, but the trade off was worth it.  We ate huge platters of Mexican food and we watched his favorite movie that night (what a gift to see him laugh) and he coached the boys on their football plays. 

I cooked Sunday and we sat around the table with dishwashers and washing machines running in the background.  The baby made a big breakfast and I made chili and cornbread for lunch. 

Bray made it back from the ranch by mid afternoon in time for my in laws to get home before dark and for our family to make it for Trunk or Treat and burgers in the backyard with friends. 

It was an utterly beautiful and priceless weekend.  I’m writing down all these details more for me than for you.  Because I want to see that God wants to use the changes to bring us something better. 

He is so in in all this. 

I know it doesn’t feel like it. 

We are threadbare and parched and we will not be able to be stitched back together by what this world has to offer us with anxiety and fear and chaos and fighting. 

But I knew peace this weekend.  I saw love and trust and reliability and hope. 

I had to write this as a reminder in case it helps just one of you.  It was burning on my heart this morning – we’re trusting in the wrong things.  We’re trying to cling to some semblance of normalcy or something we can control.  And by we, I mean me. 

I’m going to release that.  I’ll still struggle. Every single day I’m going to want to control it all.  Try to keep it from flying out of control.  But it’s in those out of control spaces, He holds us together.  He shows us what we should really be focused on. 

Happy Monday friends.  We will be okay.