Sometimes I’m quiet over here because I’m so busy.
Lately, I’ve been quiet because I have been sick. Really sick.
I got a cold in early August and have been sick with a cough and related goo on and off since then. Even after a mid August Z-pack, I just couldn’t kick it.
By weekend before last, I felt miserable. Sharp stabbing pain through my left shoulder blade that hurt every time I breathed or sneezed or coughed. And I did a lot of that. Plus I was wiped out.
Even though I called Monday morning for a doctor’s appointment, I couldn’t get in until Wednesday. I imagined the worst (you know, referred pain and all that business). I couldn’t drive into the office on Tuesday, so I punily worked from home in between coughing and losing my voice.
Wednesday, the pain was so bad I thought I’d pass out driving to the doctor’s office. The working diagnosis: pneumonia and pleurisy (who am I, Henry VIIIth? – pleurisy?). I got a shot of steroids and an extra strength dose of Z-pack.
Nonetheless, I was back at the doctor on Thursday. Since my chest X-ray was relatively clear, my wonderful doc was a bit befuddled. Maybe bronchitis and pleurisy? More anti-inflammatory meds.
Then I was back at the clinic on Saturday. The shoulder pain was gone but my whole body felt like it was revolting. Pain in my arms and legs. Coughing without a break. Chest pain (probably from all the stinkin’ coughing!). My voice had come back but I felt like it was the only thing working.
I had canceled the week’s worth of activities and my hubby was trying to keep the household running.
What do you do when you can’t do anything?
I read. I slept. Even worked as I could. I let the kids cuddle up and read to me. The sensations were acute and it got me fairly scared at times. You know, the world is a scary place and when the one thing you’ve come to rely on, your body, falls apart, it’s unnerving.
I opened up my Bible Gateway app and the verse of the day was from Psalm 37. I started playing the audio of the Psalms, as wafts of Chapter 37, 38, 39, and 40 poured over me:
Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture…Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him…
My back is filled with searing pain; there is no health in my body…All my longings lie open before you, Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you.
I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.
My life right now is actually less busy than typical for me. I’ve stepped off all my board appointments. I know how to do my job. The kids are doing well in school. Yes, I work full time and so does my husband and we have three third graders and life is “American busy” but not at levels I’ve been before.
It was too much.
And even this week, it feels like a bit much. I’ve canceled everything but work and I’m wiped by lunchtime. The rain falls and the chill has set in, certainly chilly for Houston, and I slowly move forward.
For those of us “super-doers,” we judge ourselves when we slow down (voluntarily or otherwise). But we forget we have a marathon not a sprint in front of us. God is faithful, but I think some of us push Him to the limit of what is possible. Maybe a year’s worth of 5 am work out wake up calls and late nights and running kids and working and juggling/ planning life can wear us out a bit.
Maybe some of us are supposed to hear: Be still.
Or be brave or trust me or hang in there. I don’t know the message for every day – heck, it’s probably all of the above.
Do today as best you can. Let go of the stuff you can’t manage today and do what you can. Tell your people you love them. Say your prayers. Kiss your kids.
And wear a jacket for Pete’s sake, it’s cold out there and you could get sick!