optimism Archives - Gindi Vincent

Two good things happened this morning.

I had an early breakfast with a sweet friend. I read part of Dave Asprey’s “46 life rules” in Game Changers.

How are these two things alike?

They highlight optimism.

Whenever I breakfast with this friend, I laugh. We share similar faith and similar life ambition, and when we meet I laugh loud in a quiet breakfast spot nestled in corner of a bustling city.

And Asprey? Well, of all his 46 rules he has gathered from 450 expert ‘game changers,’ this is his biggest one: Practicing gratitude is the most profoundly transformative thing you can do.

You know something else about gratitude? It fuels optimism. If you see the silver lining and find people and actions to be grateful for, then you can feel optimistic about the future.

I am an optimist. My friend, the lovely breakfast buddy from this morning, is an optimist. She was telling me about her boyfriend who, if it’s possible, is even more of an optimist. He’ll have a rough day, but he’ll recap with “it was good even though…” He finds the silver lining even in those bad days.

But I’m well aware not everyone is an optimist. We are born with a certain set point – either more optimistic or more pessimistic. The best news about that set point: it can change. That’s right. You’re not resigned to life as a pessimist (or a realist as my hubby likes to say) if that’s where you find yourself. You can train your brain.

I was thinking about that as I read through Asprey’s book, especially coming off of this particularly delightful optimistic breakfast. How can more conversations flow like that one?

I landed back at gratitude.

Not only does gratitude grow optimism, it does a lot of other things. For example, one of the other rules was “Fear is the Mind Killer!” Yikes! Basically the rule says you have to get past fear of failure. The best way to do that? “Gratitude stops fear!” How often is fear our biggest struggle? Yet there’s actually medical evidence (a long explanation about your parasympathetic nervous system) which shows you can boost resilience and reduce stress by listing three things you’re thankful for before you go to sleep. (I guess Bobby McFerrin was on to something with his little Don’t Worry, Be Happy.)

I looked at all the rules that had an optimism or gratitude component. Tons of them. Rule 33: Happy People are Successful! Rule 3: Eliminate Words that Undermine Your Strength. Rule 32: Money Doesn’t Motivate Game Changers. How is that one linked to optimism? Just that Rule 32-ers don’t operate out of a scarcity mind set, but they focus on amassing joy not money. Joy = Optimism. Note, joy is not circumstantial. Joy exists, as does optimism, even when the circumstances around you are challenging.

As I left for a birthday dinner for a close friend Saturday night, little bit said, “mommy, just don’t laugh so loud.” Ha! (Imagine that ha in a very loud voice.) Sorry little bit, mommy is going to keep laughing loud, and probably embarrassing you more than you can count, but I’m an optimist. And a loud optimist at that. Hopefully, years from now, the sound of my loud optimistic laughter will make you smile and even laugh yourself.

Let’s practice moving our set point one more degree towards optimism. Let’s encourage our kids to move their set point to optimism. Those simple dinnertime conversations? I REQURE them to tell me something good that happened before they can tell me the bad. Just last night, one said, I don’t have anything good, it was a bad day.

Oh no bud, you ALWAYS have something good, and we’re going to start with that. Let’s all start from there.

Practice gratitude.

Choose joy.

It’s so fun to be in Wyoming this week speaking. What a beautiful place. I can’t wait to share more next week about my journey. In the meantime, since I missed our Leadership Tuesday because of travel, I offer this Thursday installment from June 2013 where I share about the importance of an optimistic leader:

If you worry about everything that can go wrong, you would never do anything. You’ve got to be able to focus on the things that really matter and not lose too much sleep on the rest. Julia Gillard, Deputy Prime Minister Australia

Today, we look at another pivotal leadership strategy: Optimism. How you frame your story, and the energy you exude, enables you to walk more fully into your leadership potential.

Optimism has several perks – a positive attitude not only motivates you but also motivates those who follow you as well as provides you with an ability to bounce back after a set-back.

First, what can you do when faced with set-backs? Start simply. Accept that failure from time to time is going to happen. In fact, failure is often the catalyst to more fully develop your leadership skill sets like coping, rebounding, learning from mistakes, and pressing on. Optimism helps you separate the person, you, from the end result. This is where you can become more resilient.

I heard a former CEO say, “I’m suspicious of somebody who’s never failed, because you don’t know how they’re going to react when they do. Everyone is born to fail. Everyone is going to break down. What matters is not how often you have been on the canvas, but whether you get up, how you get up, and what you learn from it.”

An article I read, Mandating Women at the Leadership Table: Why the Time is Now, spoke to this optimism-fueled resilience: “Women leaders show a higher degree of resilience and assertiveness than their male counterparts. This coupled with their flexibility and interpersonal connection helps them shake off negativity and setbacks, learn what they need to from the experience, and use the setbacks to fuel their drive to succeed and overcome challenges.”

Next, is the important ability to cultivate a baseline of optimism in order to effectively lead and encourage others. You can have a transforming effect on your team by encouraging others that they have the ability to achieve levels of performance beyond those they thought possible. Leaders can paint an optimistic and attainable view of the future for their followers. With a well-communicated, optimistic vision, you can move people from “how things are done around here” to “how things could be done better.” Personally, strong leaders learn to rise above petty thoughts and self-defeating inner dialogue. Leaders that have control of these strategies and skills are more likely to remain cool and in control in a crisis, not let negative influences bring them down, and not find themselves spinning in self-defeating cycles that can cripple the best of leaders.

How Remarkable Women Lead, emphasizes how important it is to practice optimism. Psychologists believe that you can learn optimism, particularly if you learn where pessimism comes from so that you can stop the downward spiral. “Every woman leader we met was an optimist, and it really doesn’t matter who was born one and who developed the skill. With a little bit of practice, it will be your skill, too, and not just one to deploy at work.” While a happy disposition can be largely hereditary, you can gravitate toward the top of your own bandwidth of natural tendency. More importantly, if you can find things that you liked as a child, things that make you passionate, or recent activities that gave you tremendous fulfillment, then you can begin filling your life with things that are more inclined to provide you with an optimistic and energetic disposition.

To Take Away: Whether you are naturally an Eeyore or a Tigger, you can train yourself to positively frame your life messages. Optimism does not translate to delusional for those of you natural pessimists looking at this section quizzically. Nor does it mean idealism, as some skeptics suggest (though a measure of idealism may help you lead). It means you do not allow failures and setbacks to derail your trajectory. After allowing yourself to feel the sting of not reaching the achievement you set your sights on, move on. Find out what lessons you learned from the experience and explore the next opportunity. Optimism also means you get back to doing things that bring you joy. Find how to incorporate those things that brought you joy earlier in your life into your life today. True joy and fulfillment are attainable, and they are also contagious and will allow you to build a base from which you can lead.

Take time out this next week and listen to yourself interact with those around you. How do you speak about things? Do you see the negativity from a overcome challenges.”